She couldn’t believe she’d just told him all that, but strangely, she didn’t regret it. With Braden, she could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge her or think less of her. He’d called her cold and unfeeling, but then he’d said he knew she wasn’t.
Once he understood her better, he’d know shewascold and unfeeling.
Ah, Braden. Could he really believe she was warm inside? Could he somehow be her everything? Could they have something special like he’d tried to say last night?
His eyes were wide and his jaw tight. His body was taut against her, and he held her as if he could protect her from the dream. Nobody could protect her from the dream. She was sure it was penance for the many lives she had taken. Every time she had killed to protect someone else. But that didn’t make it right or give her heaven’s approval.
As they stared at each other, it hit her how unique and incredible he truly was. Because he’d been holding her close, the nightmare had started and then somehow disappeared from her mind.
And she’d slept peacefully. In his lovely arms.
“Except for last night,” she said.
“What happened last night?” he encouraged.
“I was on a battlefield and I was killing everyone around me and then suddenly … it all disappeared. I was transported back home to my peaceful valley. Summit Valley. I was in my own bed, and my hands and clothes were clean. And I slept.” She blinked up at him. “In your arms. I haven’t slept like that …”
“In a man’s arms?” he prompted.
“Well yes, that’s a first.” She bit at her lip and admitted the entire truth. “I haven’t slept in peace for four long years. Last night I was safe and unafraid, and I trusted you with everything. I trusted you would protect me, keep me safe physically and morally. Even though I didn’t realize it, I was trusting you and clinging to you and …”
She almost said,falling in love with you.
What was happening to her? What was he doing to her? She was baring her soul and letting down every barrier she’d ever constructed. She couldn’t let him in like this.
She yanked herself away from his arms and scrambled off the bed. Backing up until she hit the wall, she stared at him. “What did you do? How did you stop the nightmare? You picked me up and held me? Is that what you did?”
She needed to know because she really wanted the nightmare to never happen again, but she also needed to focus on something tangible and possibly helpful. She had to stop thinking she could love someone pure and noble like Braden. That impossible dream would never happen for her demented soul.
Braden climbed off the bed and stood. He was glorious to behold with his firm, muscular shape and handsome face. He was so much more than his exterior perfection.
She had to get some distance from him or she was going to lose her mind.
His blue eyes were intense as he splayed his hands. “I did pick you up and hold you. I’m sorry if I crossed boundaries and held you without your permission, but you were moaning and repeating ‘no’ and ‘stop.’ I didn’t know how to help you.”
She studied him, trying to reason it out. Could she pay a handsome man to hold her every night and stop the nightmares that way? She flushed at the thought. She’d never trust another unrelated man like she had Braden. The only man she wanted holding her was standing in front of her, and very soon they’d go their separate ways.
“So you holding me stopped the dream and let me sleep?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“No?” Crap. What had he done then? Heat filled her, and she demanded, “Did you kiss me?”
How crappy that she hadn’t felt it or remembered. She couldn’t allow him to kiss her, but she yearned for it all the same.
His gaze grew warm and full of longing. “No. I would never kiss you without your permission.” His blue eyes searched hers. “But I would happily kiss you every hour of every day if you are willing.”
Her eyes widened, and she held up her hands in defense. Too willing. That was the problem. “Don’t try it, or I’ll … break your arm.”
It was kind of a lame threat as she could do much worse—fat lip, knee to the groin, atomic wedgie, all of the above—but she had to threaten something and that was the first one that came to her.
The hope in his eyes dimmed slightly, but he didn’t stop giving her an appealing look. Kissing Braden. The very idea was tantalizing and stupid of her to focus on. Her pulse was racing so fast she hoped she didn’t have an aneurysm.
“Back to the nightmare.” She had to focus. “What did you do to stop it, then?”
“I prayed over you,” he said simply, as if turning to heaven was the only answer and the most natural thing in the world. For him, maybe. “I asked God to give you peace, strength, and healing. I asked Him—well, almost commanded Him. You know, me telling the all-powerful God of the universe that He has to help.” He smiled wryly.
She wished she could smile back, but this was all far too deep and the love in Braden’s voice was taking her breath away. He loved God and he loved her. It was as clear as the room in front of her.