“Ah, Maddie.” Braden’s voice was rough with emotion and her body instantly filled with warmth and longing for him to hold her close and shelter her from everything, most of all from herself.
“Do you have any idea how irresistible you are?” he continued softly. “How badly I want to pull you close and hold you all night long?”
Maddie was back to the oxygen leaving her lungs in a rush and not knowing how to pump it back in. She put a hand to her heart and massaged it. Braden waited for her to respond. She could roll over and challenge him to make his move, or she could draw on all the training and self-control she had gained throughout the years and keep her distance. Or she could throat punch him. That always worked.
Papa would expect the middle choice.
Thinking of her impressive and beloved grandfather was the rope she needed to cling to. She was hanging over a chasm of yearning for Braden and all that he had to offer. If she let go of the rope, she’d fall, break every emotional bone in her body, and she’d never, ever recover. Too many innocent people needed her help right now for her to get entangled in some romantic dalliance.
Stupid.
She hardly knew this man lying in bed next to her.
He was just an assignment.
He didn’t really care about her.
She definitely didn’t care about him.
She didn’t let herself care about anyone but her family.
“I told myself while you were in the bathroom,” he said into the silence between them, “that I would try to slow down, not scare you away.”
How did she tell him that slowing down wasn’t the issue? They could date for years and it wouldn’t make a difference. She was far too hardened for a saintly man like Braden. She’d only bring him darkness and hurt.
“I forgot that idea quick. I can’t resist your appeal, Maddie, and I know now you’re not cold and unfeeling.”
She was. She could give him example after example of how cold she was inside.
Yet with him it was different. She was warm, and she felt everything. Every single emotion a woman could feel.
He continued, “Being around you … I feel like there’s this deep connection between us. That’s unfamiliar territory for me.”
He waited, but she couldn’t speak. Not only did she have no idea what to say, but she couldn’t encourage him. She shoulddiscouragehim. And she couldn’t make herself. It was incredible that she was special to him. It should be unrealistic, as they hardly knew each other, yet somehow they did.
“I don’t want to miss out on what we could have,” he finished with.
She hoped he was finished. She felt like she was about to crack wide open and release emotion she’d hidden with humor, wit, and her fighting skills for years. She’d hidden everything from her own beloved family and somehow this man was about to yank it out of her, and then tell her it was all right and he still wanted to be with her.
Slow breaths in and out. Don’t respond. Don’t give him anything to go on. You’re okay. Slow breaths. You’ll get through tonight. Maybe tomorrow Papa will fly you far away from here.
These comforting thoughts didn’t rock her to sleep, but they did miraculously keep her from scooting into the space next to Braden and burrowing into that lovely chest of his.
Deep connection. I don’t want to miss out on what we could have.He’d really said those beautiful words.
Dang him. He’d penetrated her armor and was chucking the protective layer far away from her where she couldn’t slap it back on. The next thing she knew, he’d be holding her close and touching her in emotional ways no one ever had.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight, gritted her teeth, and clenched her fists. She had to get through tonight. She’d gotten through a lot of awful nights. She was stronger than anyone she knew. It was so tempting to pray right now. She almost broke down and begged heaven above for help.
No. No matter what Braden did to her heart, she refused to give in to the hypocrisy of prayer.
Breathe in and out.
It was the only thing she could focus on right now.
ChapterSix
Braden had always been a prayer. Some in the military thought that was weak, relying on an external source. Braden disagreed. At least for him, prayer strengthened, guided, enlightened him and, most of all, gave him peace.