“Thank you,” she managed. “You look very handsome.” She laughed nervously. “I’m sure Thor would agree.”
He finally smiled. “I’m sure he wouldn’t.”
She laughed again, but even the air felt thick and strained between them. What had happened to them? A few beats passed and the only sound was the music and laughter and talking from the wedding party. She pressed a hand down the side of her dress and his gaze traveled hungrily over her. It made her stomach flutter, but also made her sad. Was she only someone to be beautiful to him, someone to kiss and then discard? She’d assumed their connection was miles deeper than that.
“You chose the perfect color of dress,” he murmured, pointing to his pale blue tie.
“I had no idea. I felt a little awkward, like I was trying to be part of the … family,” she managed.
His eyebrows went up. Again, he simply stared at her.
Melene wanted him to smile, to tease, to pull her close, to love her. When she couldn’t take it any longer, and it looked like he might just back away and leave her standing there, she burst out, “What happened to us? I thought you cared.”
“Ah, Melene.” He pushed a hand at her hair and then he took her elbow and murmured, “Do you mind a short walk?”
“That’s fine.” She’d walk for miles in these uncomfortable heels if it meant being close to him. It hurt that she was so invested in him and he seemed to have already distanced himself from her. What did she expect? He’d never told her there was anything deep between them. His kisses had conveyed that to her, but apparently had meant little to him.
They walked in silence away from the party, along the calm lake’s shore until they reached the nearby forest. It was getting darker by the moment, but she could still see his handsome face clearly, and sadly she could still see the angst in his beguiling blue eyes. Aiden wasn’t calloused or trying to hurt her. He was as unsure and conflicted as she was, but he was handling it far differently than she wanted him to. He was shutting himself away from her and creating distance before they even had real physical miles separating them.
He released her elbow and turned to her. “I’m so sorry, Melene. These past two days I’ve wanted to call you … no, that’s a lie.” His jaw worked, and he clenched and unclenched a fist.
He was so handsome. It hurt to look at him and know he’d never be hers. He’d said he wanted to call her, but then said it was a lie. Her stomach ached like he’d punched her. Aiden would never physically hurt her, but he was destroying her emotionally.
“The truth is …” He took a slow breath and Melene dreaded the truth. She wanted to put a finger to his lips, prevent him from making a sound, just like he’d covered her mouth with his hand in the ocean as they’d fled for their lives. Silence and this ache were better than the blow he was about to deliver.
His blue eyes were intense and laser-focused on her as he said, “The truth is, Melene, I’ve wanted to sprint to your house, pin you against a wall, kiss you until neither of us could breathe, and then beg you to never leave my side again.”
Melene’s breath rushed out. His words were unexpected and so beautiful. She wanted to throw herself against his chest and start with the kissing, but she had to ask, “Then why didn’t you come?”
His blue gaze was tortured. “What would it accomplish besides making me long even more for something I’ll never have?”
Her heart seemed to stop, then thud heavily against her chest. “You’ll never commit to me?”
He reached up and cupped her cheek. His touch was tender and made her ache for him. “I’ll never commit to anyone. I can’t leave my life, my calling.” He released her face. “I’ve seen friends try to make a relationship work, but it always ends in pain for them and their wives. Sometimes it’s broken their wives emotionally. I can’t do that to you.”
She blinked at him. Apparently, his fear of their relationship failing had ended it before they could even put forth the faith to try.
Before she could somehow beg him to trust God and trust her and at least try, he gestured almost angrily back toward the wedding party. “Don’t you think I’d grab you and hang on forever if I could? Don’t you think I want what Thor and Shelly have?” His shoulders sagged and his hand fell to his side.
She knew they’d never have the white picket fence, decorated front porch, and raising their babies next to grandma like Thor and Shelly, but couldn’t they be each other’s home? Did that even make sense? The problem was, when would they ever be in the same location? Rarely, and she knew it. She noticed he didn’t even bring up a long-distance relationship. It would be misery and might even distract him and put him in danger. She’d try it if he would, but she could imagine it wouldn’t be nearly enough for either of them and might hurt worse than a clean break.
“I understand,” she said. “I can’t walk away from my life’s calling and I don’t expect you to.” She hated how unemotional and uninvested she sounded, but she loved him and if never giving their relationship a chance was what he needed, she would let him go.
He studied her. “Walking away from you will be the hardest thing I ever do.”
She smiled sadly, but she couldn’t help but say, “But you’ll do it.”
It wasn’t a question, so maybe he didn’t feel compelled to answer. He didn’t even try. He simply stared at her, misery written all over his face. Melene loved him. She was afraid she’d tell him the truth and make this even harder than it was.
A sob was working its way up her throat, and she was seconds away from breaking down. She never cried for herself. She cried for children who were injured or killed or taken from their loved ones. She cried for mothers who watched their little ones suffer and were ripped apart by their deaths.
Today she wanted to selfishly hide somewhere and sob for the glimpse of happiness she’d been given of her and Aiden and how badly it hurt to know she’d never have him in her life.
Turning, she strode into the forest, not even sure where she was going or if there was even a trail here.
“Melene,” Aiden called after her.
She ignored him and kept plunging on. Her tears were blinding her, and her heels were a walking disaster. Her shin painfully connected with a fallen log and she sprawled forward. She would’ve hit the ground and been even more bruised, except large hands caught her and yanked her against a tall, lean body.