Perdie took her hand away, struggling to contain her emotions. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to lie down.”
She stood, but Mama said, “Think on what I said, please.”
Perdie hesitated, then nodded. “I will.”
She retreated through the corridors, managing to avoid everyone but the scant few servants she passed along the way. When her feet stopped moving, her heart was still beating and her mind still turning. She wasn’t standing in front of her bedchamber door.
Mama had given her something to think about. The way she described marriage to Perdie’s father made it sound…different. It made her hope the future could be different. Marriage might be a shackle in some cases, but with a man who knew her, who listened to her, who respected her…
With Thaddeus, perhaps marriage would be no shackle at all.
She missed Thaddeus so much it was a physical ache. She could not bear the idea of never seeing him again, touching him, seeing him smile, and the way his eyes lit with pleasure when he saw her. A sharp pang of loss cut deep into her heart. Perdie wanted to weep, as how she had done last night in her pillows.
Dear God in heaven, she wanted that man. By her side, forever.
Oh!Something fierce swelled inside of Perdie, and a revelation flowered. She loved Thaddeus. Truly, astoundingly, irrevocably in love with him. And he loved her. All those burning emotions in his eyes, the tenderness in his touch, the hope in his voice when he asked to marry her.
He loved her.
A shaky laugh slipped from her.
But as she wounded him so deeply, would he forgive her? For once, Perdie had to forget her fears and hold onto something. For her. But also for her future. She raised her fist and knocked on the door.
“Enter,” Sebastian said from within, his voice muffled.
Perdie shut the door behind her and leaned her back against it, using the solid wall for support. When he saw her, Sebastian stood, concern written across his face.
“You promised I could come to you if ever I had need. I need you now, more than I have ever needed you.”
He held out a hand to her, his expression resolute. “Always. What do you need of me?”
Perdie took a deep breath and laid her heart bare.