“Moan for me,” Maksim grunted and shoved the gun against my cheek. “Make me believe that you like it.”
I did, I began to groan, but it wasn’t enough. He made me fake an orgasm, so I shut my eyes and felt the cold metal of the handgun pressing harder as Maksim got more and more excited.
And eventually, it went down my body, dragging across my flesh and pressing inside of me while he fucked Avery between my legs.
He slid the gun inside, and I was convinced I was going to die. I knew he was going to shoot me. I sighed and called his name like he was the greatest lover I’d ever had, and I knew that I would feel a bullet shredding me from the inside out at any moment.
And in some horrible, twisted way, I felt like it was my fault. Like I was cheating on my Kings while they suffered in captivity. I didn’t know how I could ever face them again, or even if they could love me once they found out.
I longed for the darkness, but it never came.
CHAPTER8
I was weepingin the corner of Maksim’s room when he came back. He’d taken Avery and left me alone for a few hours, long enough for me to take a comforter off the bed and cover myself behind the settee under one tall window. I’d slept, at last, exhausted and humiliated beyond any recognition of my former self. I had been broken by Maksim, and I wasn’t proud to admit it.
In fact, it was pride that had gotten me into this mess, and I could see that now. My arrogance and self-assuredness had given me a false sense of safety. I’d let my guard down at Fincross Academy, and I’d been blindsided by Avery’s advance. If I hadn’t been so caught up in my life trying to be a normal college girl, I could have seen her coming from miles away. I would have known something was up by the way she targeted us, the way she honed in on my Kings and me from the first moment I saw her.
I shivered under the blanket and felt the bite of the approaching winter cold coming from the window above me. I was reminded of how long I’d been away from school, and the thought of having to catch up seemed impossible at this point. Like scaling a mountain on my hands and knees or typing out all the words in the world over and over until my fingers ached.
And I was reminded of how much I wanted my Kings. How I yearned for them and their bodies to keep me warm. I couldn’t fathom a time where I could survive without them, and I didn’t want to be in a world where I was alone.
I finally slipped off into a fretful sleep, one where I had them with me. We were celebrating my birthday back at our house in Oakville, and I was lifted up by the joy and love that surrounded me. Penny was there, and so was Neve. Nat and my mom, and people I knew from my life were all celebrating with us. I was about to take a big gulp of air and blow out my candles when I woke up.
Back to reality, back to misery. I didn’t want to wake up, and I wanted to drown myself in tears and fall back into my dream forever.
But it wasn’t meant to be. My eyes opened, and I couldn’t deny it. I was in Maksim’s room still. I was trapped and confined and completely alone.
Until Maksim returned and found me again.
“Is that crying I hear?” he growled and stomped towards me. “You’d better not be fucking crying!”
I sniffled and rubbed my nose on the blanket, dried my eyes, and stuck my head out.
“I was sleeping,” I said. “Taking a nap after all that—”
“All that hot action?” Maksim leered. He leaned down and looked at me closer. “You look like you were crying, though, and I fucking hate crying. If those are tears, then fucking stop it. Ilya wants to see you.”
“Your father?” I asked with narrowed eyes. “What does he want with me?”
“The fuck if I know,” he grumbled and nudged me with the toe of his boot. “Get the fuck up before I have my guards drag you up.”
I knew he was serious, so I pushed to my feet and dropped the blanket. I was still filthy, and I hadn’t showered or cleaned myself up. My depression hadn’t allowed it.
“Go shower first. You’re disgusting,” he said and lifted the edge of my shirt with his thumb. “This is filthy, and you smell horrible.”
I was reluctant to as if showering meant washing off the last lingering scents of my Kings from my skin. As if it meant I was giving in, giving up, and accepting the new fate in front of me.
“I fucking said GO!” he roared, looming over me at last. His patience had reached the end, and I felt the heat of his breath on the back of my neck as I bent away from him.
I felt fear flash through my limbs, and I scurried toward the bathroom like an animal. I despised myself for it, but Maksim’s harsh punishments had finally ground me down. I wasn’t okay, and I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to him anymore. I needed to keep my head down and survive this. That was the only thing I could think of.
The water felt good, despite my reluctance to get under it. It felt amazing, in fact, and I was cleansed of the dirty feeling that I’d carried since the thing that happened with Avery. It sickened me even thinking about it, but it wouldn’t stop creeping into my thoughts. It wouldn’t stay away, the image of her on me and Maksim’s gun pressed against my temple. All of it was too much, and it left me feeling twitchy and vulnerable, ashamed and guilty. Like I’d chosen it or something as if I’d cheated on my Kings.
I was enjoying the water streaming down over me, burning my sin away, when Maksim banged on the door.
“Hurry up,” he yelled.
Even at this moment, when I was actually enjoying the simple act of showering, he wouldn’t leave me alone.