He made it sound so reasonable. “You’re an hour and a half late. I thought something might have happened.”
“Sorry you were worried.”
That wasn’t good enough. Besides, she didn’t believe him. He threw the word around, but he didn’t mean it. Sam was never sorry about anything.
“When you didn’t show up, I cal ed.”
He nodded. “I forgot my phone at home. When we got back, I saw that you’d phoned.”
“What? You didn’t think to return my cal ? To let me know Conner was okay?”
He folded his big arms over his equal y big chest. “It occurred to me, but by the way you blew up the phone with al your cal s, I knew you’d chew my ass. Just like you’re dying to do right now. And to tel you the truth, I’m never going to purposely cal anyone who’s dying to chew my ass.”
She took a deep breath and glanced up at the big window and Conner’s little face glued to the glass. Holding on to her control by a thread, she calmly said, “You’re immature and irresponsible.”
“Wel , sweetheart, I’ve never said I wasn’t irresponsible. But you’re too control ing.”
“He’s my son.”
“He’s my son, too.”
“He’s your son when it’s convenient for you.”
“Wel , it was convenient today. Get over it.”
Get over it? Get OVER it? The tic in her forehead stabbed her brain, and her control snapped. “What about next time? What about when you blow him off next week or the week after? What about when he’s looking forward to seeing you, and you blow him off for a party with your buddies?”
“I have events that I am required to attend.”
“Were you required to attend that harbor cruise with half-naked women? Or how about al your trips to Vegas for craps and lap dances?” Although how, given their history, he could ever set foot in Vegas again was beyond her.
He rocked back on his heels. “Is this about jealousy?”
She rol ed her eyes. Pain squeezed the bridge of her nose, and she was instantly sorry. “Get over yourself, Sam. You might think the sun rises and sets on your sorry ass, but I’m here to tel you that it doesn’t.” She glanced up at Conner, staring down at her. “And the one person who thinks it does, you total y blow off.”
“I’d be with him more if I could. You know my schedule makes it difficult.”
“If he were a priority in your life, you’d make time.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “You had this past summer off, but you only spent three weekends with Conner. You canceled on him at least eight different times, and every time you did, I had to try and make it up to him. Every time you’ve ever let him down, I’m the one who has to tel him that you love him and would be with him if you could. I’m the one who has to lie to him.”
His jaw tightened. “I do love him.”
“And we al know how much your love is worth.” She shook her head. “While you’re off playing hero to thousands of other little boys, your own son cries himself to sleep like his heart is breaking.”
His arms fel to his sides, and he rocked back on his heels as if she’d hit him. “I’m no one’s hero.”
“I know that.” She pointed toward the window without looking up at her son. “But he doesn’t. Not yet. He doesn’t know you’re just a selfish prick unworthy of him, but he’l figure it out someday.” She gasped and covered her pounding forehead with one hand. “Oh my God. I wasn’t going to do that. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to lose control. I don’t want to be angry and cal names. No matter how true.”
He said just loud enough for her to hear, “He cries himself to sleep?”
“What?” She glanced up at the window. At her son looking down at his parents. He didn’t look upset. He hadn’t heard her cal Sam a bad name.
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Why would you?” She brushed her hair back and sighed. Suddenly tired. “You never stick around to pick up after yourself. I’m sure you never even give it a thought.”
“Are you talking about Conner?”