“The PIR alarms are only set when the resident is in his or her room for the night. During the day, we encourage socializing as a way to combat insolating and d
epression.”
“So, Mom was ‘socializing’ during the day?” If I’m here, it means she wasn’t chatting or playing board games.
“Yes.” He glances at the paperwork on his desk. “Patricia was discovered in the Complete Care unit at two thirty in the afternoon.”
Complete Care is in a different hub. At some point, Mother will be moved to that unit. My stomach drops. I don’t like to think about it. “Today?”
“On the tenth.”
That was three days ago.
“She was discovered in the bed of resident Walter Shone.”
This is not a surprise to me. “Yes. Mother is affectionate.”
“Walter Shone is eighty-one and suffers from end-stage dementia. He’d been comatose for several weeks.”
So if he didn’t know anything happened, what’s the big deal?
“Imagine his wife’s surprise when she discovered Patricia wrapped around her husband like an octopus.”
Again, not a surprise. Mom has always been a notorious man stealer. “I imagine that was quite shocking.” I glance at the clock because it’s not as rude as looking at my watch, snapping my fingers, and saying, “Chop-chop. I’ve got a plane to catch.”
“It was horrific. His sons and five grandchildren had come with their mother to say their last goodbyes.”
“That is bad of her.” Mother had robbed a family of their private moments of grief. I feel awful about that, but she has Alzheimer’s, and this is a memory care facility. She’s here for a reason, and she needs help as much as any other patient. “I know Mother is very sorry.” I rise to hurry Douglas along.
“He had an erection.”
Gross! “With severe dementia? Wearing Depends?” I turn my head to look at Mom. “Tell me that you did not take that man’s pants off.”
Mom shrugs a shoulder and continues to stare at the clock. “I have a passionate nature.”
“For God’s sake!” Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol, money or chocolate. Mom’s addiction has always been men, and having Alzheimer’s hasn’t changed that one bit. If anything, Alzheimer’s makes it worse. She doesn’t even attempt to hide her “passionate nature” anymore. Not that she’d ever tried very hard anyway.
“We can’t have that behavior here.”
No shit. I keep my smile in place and try not to lose my cool. This is her third facility. She got kicked out of the first for spooning, and the second for what I call going “Rattlesnake Patty” just one too many times—that is, threatening to kill other female patients for stealing her “boyfriends” and plundering seven bags of Pirate’s Booty from her hidden stash. Honestly, who steals seven bags of Pirate’s Booty?
No one.
“This is a safety issue that we cannot tolerate at Golden Springs.”
Again, no shit. Somehow my mother wandered into the Complete Care unit and no one noticed. Mother is very wily, and I can’t blame Golden Springs entirely. “Thank God no one was hurt.” Physically anyway. I’m sure the grandkids have mental scars. I shift in my seat and calmly say, “I’m sure we can come up with a better way to keep track of Mother during social hours.” I even manage a little joke. “Perhaps lead shoes.”
“Wynonna stole all my shoes,” Mom says, and I’m just thankful she isn’t blaming me this time. “My Pirate’s Booty too.”
Douglas pats a stack of papers. “We’re discharging Patricia to your care.”
“Excuse me?” Unfortunately, he repeats what I thought I’d heard the first time. Finding a different facility won’t be easy. Like I said, I know the drill. Last time, it had taken more than the thirty-day grace period to find Golden Springs. I’d had no choice but to have Mom live with me in my condo. Within weeks, she made me lose my mind. It took a while to find it again, and I don’t want to lose it once more. “That seems like a drastic solution to a more easily solvable problem.” I’m Lulu the Love Guru. I built a multimillion-dollar empire from nothing but a legal pad. I calmly suggest a second option. “Perhaps we could tie a bell around her ankle.” I didn’t get where I am today by accident. When something stands between me and my goals, I solve the problem.
“We had a staff meeting this morning, and it’s been decided. We’ve included a packet outlining her dietary needs, medication, doctors, and appointments. You’ll need to take these with you.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.” I slide my hand into my purse and pull out my wallet. “How much?” I grab a pen and poise it above a blank check. “How much to make this all go away and then we can all move forward with our day.”
“It’s not about money.”