“Are you awake?”
“No,” I mumble into my pillow.
“Wake up, Lou.”
“Mom?” I blink several times before my eyes stay open long enough to see Mom staring at me from across my pillow. She’s in bed next to me, and for one groggy moment, I think she is here to spoon. Instead, she reaches for my hand. Her palm is incredibly warm, and I can feel it all the way to my heart.
The light from the hall has fallen across the end of the bed, and she speaks to me through the gray shadows separating us. “I want to go home.”
Her hand reminds me of when I was young and had the flu or strep throat and she used to comfort me. Or when we’d lie awake in her bed talking for hours until we fell asleep. I always felt so close to her… right before a new man pushed us apart.
“I want to go home,” she repeats.
“You can’t go back to Golden Springs.”
“I want to go to my real home.”
If Mom is up and talking about her town house, she needs stronger nighttime meds. “Your house burned down,” I remind her through a deep yawn.
“I want to go home to Sutton Hall.”
“What?” The shock of what she just said jolts me wide-awake. When I was a kid, Mom took me to visit Sutton Hall several times. Her memories of the old plantation near New Orleans are wholly different from mine. My memories are vague, faded impressions of wrinkled faces, some warm and others cold. Bright eyes or dark scowls and never knowing why some people frowned and others smiled. Never knowing who to talk to or hide from.
The whole place smelled like old rugs and faded murals. I remember the rhythmic squeaking of rotting boards and ancient rocking chairs. Bumps in the night and wind whistling through the live oaks. Long stringy veils of Spanis
h moss skimming the slow-moving water of the bayou and the headstones in the cemetery out back. And bugs. Lots of bugs.
I was born in Gilroy, California, the garlic capital of the world, and feel no attachment to that moldy estate in Louisiana.
“That’s clear across the country.” As his only direct living relative, Patricia Lynn Jackson-Garvin-Hunter-Russo-Thompson-Doyle inherited the family money pit after Great-uncle Jasper’s demise. Certain branches of the Sutton family tree are no doubt still turning in their graves behind the house.
“It’s our family home,” she insists. Our home? Just last November she’d insisted just as adamantly that she would rather sell the old plantation to gypsies than let me get my hands on it. We’d been at her attorney’s office signing paperwork, and I’d tried to help explain her options to her. Secretly, I’d wanted it sold now so I didn’t have to worry about it after she’s gone. I knew better than to say the word sell, so I gently mentioned that many of the plantation homes in the South have been renovated and turned into wedding locations and special-occasion venues. Mom has always been fond of “lovely” parties with real linen and a silver tea service, but you’d have thought I’d plunged a knife into her neck. She’d gone all Rattlesnake Patty, and everything got twisted in her head. She accused me of wanting her to die so I could turn Sutton Hall into a bed-and-breakfast. I love a five-star hotel, and I hate cooking, which just goes to show that Mom wasn’t in her right mind.
“It’s my birthright.” The last thing either of us needs is a two-hundred-year-old albatross around our necks and a trust that hardly covers the taxes. “I have the front door key.”
I know she does. I gave it to her after it had been sent to me a month ago. It never occurred to me that the key would unlock a nostalgic desire to move.
“Please, Lou.”
I study her profile through the darkness. My life is crazy enough, and my Alzheimer’s mother wants me to take her across the country to a place where the humidity lies on you like a damp towel and makes it hard to breathe.
“Take me home.”
A part of me can’t help but resent what she’s asking. I know it may seem petty given the circumstances, but the thirteen-year-old girl in me wants to remind her that she never considered my wants and needs before she moved us from city to city because she lost a job again, or got a divorce again, or her boyfriend’s wife was threatening her again. She never considered how difficult her decisions have made my life.
“I know it’s a lot to ask.”
Ya think, Patty? Even if I were to take her seriously, Mother’s care is overwhelming, and I’m not sure the nurse I just hired is up for a cross-country trip already. “How would we get there?” After our disastrous twenty-five-minute drive across town earlier, there’s no way I’m driving across the country. One of us would end up dead or found at a rest stop in Kansas with a note pinned to her coat. I’m not saying it would be Mom, either.
“Fly.”
I chuckle at that. I have flight anxiety, or what doctors call “aviophobia.” A more accurate term is “scared shitless” of plummeting to earth in an out-of-control plane, unable to do anything but scream before I’m incinerated in a massive fireball. Air travel is necessary for business, so to save myself from a full-blown panic attack, I usually have a few calming glasses of wine before I board. Flying with Mother, I’d have to drink a few bottles.
“I have to be near my kin.”
That’s the same “kin” who’d disowned my grandma Lily and my grandfather Bob—aka first-cousin-twice-removed Bob—and forced them to leave Louisiana. They’re also the same kin who welcomed Grandma Lily back only after her father died. Well, most of them anyway. Her frowny-faced brother Jasper usually stayed at his galley house in the French Quarter. On the few occasions that he was at Sutton Hall, the two didn’t speak. His twin, Jed, passed the same year as Bob, so no one knows if he would have been as cold to his only sister.
“That’s a long way to visit your kin, Mom.” I don’t remind her that there aren’t any “kin” left to visit. Not that I know of, anyway.