Chapter Five
Teddy
Despite that this house is decrepit and awful—and I have some basis for comparison now after our travels—there are a few things I love about it. The best? The giant soaker tub in my own personal bathroom.
It was years ago when Jane did this room for me, and though it still reflects a little girl’s bedroom, it makes me strangely happy. The vintage vanity is now filled with makeup and knives. The large canopy bed is still there, though the drapes and sheets are faded with age.
While I wait for the tub to fill, I make my way over to the long mirror beside my vanity. What a funny word for a makeup table. A vanity. It’s true, though. The women and girls who sit in front of such things are just that. Vain. I am no exception.
I love the feeling of dressing up, of watching makeup transform my face into something new. Though the girly dresses Jane favors are much too young for me, there’s something appealing about my woman’s body in little girls’ dresses. I recall the way Bud looked at me earlier, and though the thought of him disgusts me, the idea of the power I know my body holds is exhilarating.
I learned a lot on the streets without the rose-colored glasses of youth I held when I was on the streets with my real mom. I will say that Jane was right, and men truly are idiots. And many of them like to look at young girls. Quite a few found themselves on the end of my blades as a result.
Though the room is dark, my pale skin seems to shine in the low lighting. I can’t help but admire how smooth it seems, save for the thick black lines running up one arm. My hand trails up the scar, the result of not tying down one of my victims well enough. I feel my teeth clench as I recall that night. How Jane decided since it was my stupidity that caused it, I would wear the scars from it. That evening, she sewed me up with the thickest black string she could find and for the rest of my life, I’ll wear the reminder.
The one blemish on my otherwise porcelain skin.
My mind wanders to Branson and the scars on his body, both new and old. Perhaps it’s the mindset of the child I was before I left, but he certainly seems different than before. Bigger, certainly, but there’s more to it than that. It seems Jane didn’t leave Bud much instruction as far as he went, and our pet has been treated better than ever. At the time when we left, I would have been glad to hear it. Now, bitterness fills me at the thought of how good he’s had it while I’ve been gone.
In some ways, that makes this all the sweeter. I saw some small light in his eyes flicker when we had our reunion, but he doesn’t know yet how far I’ll go or the person I’ve become. He doesn’t know yet that all I want, what I’ve been waiting for, is to break him. I have all the time in the world, and he is all mine. I’ve been waiting for this, trained for this, and nothing will keep me from getting what I want.
I smile at my reflection one last time, giving myself a wink before heading to the bath. When I’m done, time for more fun.