“But, the blood, I thought….”
“You lost a lot of blood,” he interrupts, taking a hand in his, “Fuck, Ana. I thought I lost you. It looks like so much fucking blood.”
“How is that possible?” I ask, still looking at my flat belly as though it will reveal the truth to me. He shakes his head. “I don’t know, but I had the best doctor I could find care for you, maybe he can explain it, but they found the heartbeat quickly.”
My mind is whirling, still confused and foggy, but his words come through. The baby is okay. Ax’s baby. My baby.Ourbaby.
My chest feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off it and I actually let out a laugh. My face hurts with how wide I’m smiling, and Ax’s grin grows as he watches me. Pushing myself off the bed, I hurl myself into his arms.
“You’re going to be an amazing mother,” he says randomly in a soft voice and I stop laughing and look at him. My heart swells at the way he’s looking at me and I feel another tear break free, this time happy.
“I love you so much,” I tell him, my voice cracking.
“I love you,” he says, leaning forward to kiss me softly. “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again. Let me get the doctor, he should make sure you’re okay.”
He goes to stand but I dart out and grab his hand.
“What happened though! I’ll be fine for five more minutes, promise. You have to tell me what happened.”
The smile on Ax’s face tells me much but I can’t hold back my own grin when he says the words.
“Tekir is free.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Axle
In the hours she slept, I thought a lot. Over the past months I’ve learned fear like never before. After Mama died, there was nothing left to lose and for so many years, it stayed like that. Even when we got free, I didn’t appreciate the magnitude of what I should be afraid of.
The world doesn’t scare me, only losing Ana, and now the child in her belly, but the world demands my respect in that regard.
Ana has given me more cause to be afraid than I’ve ever felt. The magnitude of the thought of losing her is beyond my reckoning. She’s pulled me back from some dark places, and I know I’d never survive without her. I acknowledge my weakness freely.
I never considered that one day I might have another weakness, much less one I’d want. Being a father has never occurred to me, but when I thought I’d lost her, the babe…
When I heard her cry out and fall to the ground, I felt my heart stop. I’m pretty sure I killed four men in a matter of seconds, just to get to her. It wasn’t until I saw the blood on her hands, and she fell unconscious that I knew true fear. I may not know much about pregnant women, but even I know enough to know that bleeding like that is incredibly bad.
Wrapping up the battle, getting her back to town, it’s all a blur. We won, it was easier than I expected, and Tahar was taken captive. I didn't even care though. My entire body felt chilled as I took Ana back to town. Rather than leave the bloodshed behind me, though, I brought it in my arms, bleeding over me as I frantically looked for help.
Gods there was so much blood.
I listen as the doctor asks Ana questions while I stand in the doorway. The doctor glances over to me randomly with a worried expression. I haven’t let Ana leave my sight since last night and I’m still wearing a bloodied mess, covered in grime.
“I’d guess you just entered the second trimester, so maybe thirteen or fourteen weeks. It’s tough to say exactly though,” the doctor tells her, and my ears perk up. Knowledge is power, and I intend to hold as much power as possible. I want to know everything, so I can take care of her better. “You should feel the morning sickness waning and I imagine you’ll feel your first kicks in a few weeks.”
Ana’s face glows as she listens to his words and I think again what an amazing mother she’ll be. She may not think she has feminine or motherly qualities, she’s said as much to me before, but she is the most caring, loving person I’ve ever known. I think of all the people she’s stood up for and saved, least of all myself.
I don’t know what I have to offer a child except perhaps a few handy tricks with a knife, but if I have Ana by my side, I know I can do anything. I know she can.
The doctor begins to pack his things and Ana reaches out a hand toward me. Like a moth to the flame I move to her side, an instant feeling of relief the moment I touch her.
“Good, my love?” she asks me, and I chuckle, leaning down for a kiss.
“Never better.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Axle