My fist strikes out to the first object it finds which happens to be a bedpost. A sharp crack echoes through the room as it snaps and I rise, looking down at Ana. She glares at me with gritted teeth but doesn’t say anything. I exhale deeply through my nose.
“This is the last fucking thing I need right now,” I accuse, and Ana’s lips tighten further and she doesn’t reply, but I see the words and fury behind her eyes.
I can’t fucking deal with this right now, I need to be getting Ethan out.
Fuck.
“Don’t fucking go anywhere,” I warn her before stalking out of the room, slamming the door behind me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ana
Iwatch the range of emotions crossing Axle’s face and know that whatever reaction I expected, it will be much worse.
“How could you let this happen?”
His accusation runs through my mind and despite the immediate fury—fuck, I can’t believe I slapped him—I know he’s right. This was my fault. I should have known the procedure wouldn’t still be working if it ever did. We’ve been fucking like goddamn bunnies for months and for the first time in my life, I didn’t consider the consequence first. That’s why I was angry. That’s why I hit him.
A mix of anger, fear, and self-loathing fill me. The self-loathing is easy, too easy. But the anger and fear? That I don’t know how to deal with. Since Josh died, I’ve been on my own. Relied on myself. If something was wrong, if there was a problem, I handled it alone. I’d gotten so used to it, yet only a short time after being with Ax I have somehow managed to become dependent on him in ways I never expected.
Really? I’m sad. Heartbroken.
I never wanted a baby either and know this is the worst time this could happen to us. I expected Ax to react badly, but I didn’t expect he’d just leave, though I can only assume he’s coming back. Outlaw and criminal, he may be, but I know Axle’s morals are too strong to let him walk away completely. Though the thought of him being with me only for that…
Maybe I should take Sammi up on her offer. Not like I have anything to offer a child. A broken father and mother, a life on the run. What kind of life is that for a child?
Even as I think it, nausea builds up at the mere thought of getting rid of it.
This is my child. Mine. For better or worse.
The loathing and fear and anger make way for new emotion. Determination.
I’ve never been able to rely on anyone, but I swear that my son or daughter will always be able to rely on me. They will have all the love and security I never had.
I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ve never shied away from a challenge.
All I can hope is that Ax feels the same.
I wander the room, picking up and putting things down at random, unable to sit still. The sky is getting dark and I assume Ax is getting started, but that means Sammi should still be downstairs and maybe Brutus. The thought of company doesn’t sound great right now, but neither does being caught up in my own head.
Washing my face quickly, I head downstairs and sure enough Sammi and Brutus are sitting in the far corner. Sammi catches my eye as I get to the bottom and I see the pity in her gaze.
“I saw Ax leave,” she says as I get to the table. “He seemed...upset.”
I nod but keep my lips pressed together.
She gives me a sad sort of smile as she pulls over a cup and fills it, passing it to me.
“The guys won’t be back for a while. May as well have a drink.”
A thread of doubt niggles at me, I know you aren’t supposed to drink when you’re pregnant, but I shrug.
Tonight? I need it.
∞∞∞
“He actually paid you?” I ask incredulously, enunciating each word carefully to keep from slurring. It’s late into the night now and we’re back in my room, several bottles of wine littering the ground at our feet while Brutus snores in the corner.