∞∞∞
Ten minutes later we’re back in the brothel district and Sammi is leading me through a narrow alley.
“Just up here,” she says, her eyes moving constantly.
“What is this place?”
“It is—well, was—my home,” she replies, “Here we are.”
She pushes back a large piece of metal of some kind to reveal a small hole in the back of the wall, gesturing for me to enter.
“Why the hell is your door blocked?”
“All the girls here have back access doors, hidden ones.”
I nod and decide not to ask why. Any reason for a woman needing a quick exit in a brothel aren’t stories I want to hear right now. It only takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room while Sammi covers the hole.
Sheets of gauze are draped around a large mattress taking up most of the floor of the main room. The small side room we are in appears to be some kind of storage. The familiar perfume is strong in here, covered only by a faint dustiness of non-use.
“I need to grab a few things anyway. Take a seat, I’ll get you something to wash your mouth out with.”
Sammi comes back a moment later with a cup of water. I drink it gratefully, watching as she rifles through a pile of clothing.
“So, does Axle know?” she asks, and it takes me a second to recall what she is talking about. I hope the pregnancy is to blame for my spaciness lately because this shit is annoying.
“What do you think?” I reply with a sigh.
She smirks, turning her head to me. “I think he would not have let you go to Emilio’s today if he knew. He does seem a tad protective sometimes. Is that why you haven’t told him? How far along are you?”
I shake my head.
“I don’t even know for sure myself,” I admit. “I have strong suspicions, but I’m not positive. I know I should tell him. You saw what happened last time I kept shit from him. But how can I add to his stress and tell him now with all that's going on? Especially if I’m not sure.”
“No way you can really be sure nowadays anyways,” she replies. “But you’d know. It sounds like you do, so why deny it? If you had to guess, how long?”
I shrug. “A few months at most? Maybe eight weeks?”
She nods, putting down the clothes she’s holding to come sit beside me. I have to resist the urge to shift away, tensing when she reaches out to touch my hand.
“Ana, if you’d like, there are...things, I can get you. Things that are only safe to take early on but would likely help you get rid of it.”
I feel a flash of fear, protectiveness, and my arms immediately wrap around my stomach. Her eyes bore deep into my own, questioning and watching.
“You mean…”
She nods, neither of us having to say the word.
I swallow deeply, thinking about the implications. I’ve been in such a blur still admitting to myself that I could be pregnant, much less telling Ax about it, much less what I’ll do. Abortions have been illegal almost everywhere since The Split, but it doesn’t shock me to know that someone who sells themself have ways around that. Small flutters in my belly that I’m sure are only in my head bring the nausea to rise again.
Children have never been on my radar. I’ve spent my adult life running away and hiding from men, and even in the past months with Ax we’ve never spoken about it. Even though I never wanted them, and Ax is sure to lose his goddamn shit. And what if it's a girl? The thought of another little girl having to have the type of life I’ve had is horrifying. How can I bring a child into a world like this? The flutters in my belly rise again and with it a fierce protectiveness.
“I can’t,” I finally say, “Thank you, but I just…”
Sammi holds up a hand to stop me.
“You don’t have to say it,” she says, a sad smile on her face and I wonder what tragedy is shining through her eyes. “I understand.”
I reach out to squeeze her hand lightly.