I abstractly think I’m grateful for the “we” in that question, but my mouth isn’t cooperating. This time the fire doesn’t rise up slowly inside me. No, this time it ignites from my core. I need to fucking rip or hit or kill something or I am going to snap.
A few inmates begin to step into the yard from the west side, but the moment my gaze lands on them they scatter. The dissenters, least of not John, are strangely absent.
“Where’s Ana?” Ethan asks, and that finally gets my mouth working.
“Hiding,” I manage to rasp. “Fuck…” My voice trails off and I have to hold in a guttural sound trying to claw out of my throat. I need Ana right fucking now.
Nine
Ana
Ican’t hear every word from this vantage point, but the dick in the guard uniform’s message was pretty clear. I should be straining to hear every word, preparing myself for what is next. But instead of watching the guards, I find myself watching Axle. My heart is in my throat and my chest hurts, but my own fear and panic are somehow overridden by the absolute manic expression on Ax’s face. It’s beyond just anger or even rage, its pure emotion.
My body yearns to be down there with him while at the same time being rooted in the spot.
When the gate shuts, I rush out and run as fast as I can down to the yard. The inmates watch me, giving me a wide berth as I complete my dash. No one says anything.
Despite there being some inmates that protested my position, a lot of them actually seem to like the dramatic love story that was me and Axle’s beginning. Inmates are literally the worst gossipers and they thrive on drama. I’ve even heard random men sitting around at night telling love stories based on ours. It’s kind of funny, really.
Even though some of them may be rooting for us, I know every man in here would choose water and life over a star-crossed romance.
I can’t even begin to really register the consequence of what just happened. Fuck, I need to get to Ax. My mind is racing with the implications and I can’t even make sense of them. My body is in flight mode and the only place it wants to fly is straight to Ax’s arms.
I finally jog out into the yard. The guard has been gone at least five minutes in the time it’s taken me to get down here, yet everyone is keeping a big space around Ax and Ethan. I slow as I approach, noting how even from behind, the tension is obvious in Axle’s shoulders. His fists are white and clenched, his breathing loud and erratic. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was having some kind of panic attack.
“Ax?” I say softly as I step into his view. His eyes are almost black but soften and come into focus. As he takes in my face, his expression drops just a little. Going slow, I step forward and place my hands on his cheeks. Fuck the no PDA rule. I have to go on my toes to pull his head down to me until my heels are flat. His forehead rests against mine, but his eyes are still far away.
I think of all the nights recently he’s woken up from nightmares. He refuses to talk to me about it, but I don’t think he realizes that he sometimes screams “mama”. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s probably going through his mind right now.
Despite my own desire to shut down and freak out, I need to pull him back to me. Before I can let myself fall apart, I need my man by my side. My frantic thoughts gladly step aside.
“I need to hear you tell me we can do this,” I say to him, my voice low.
I wait as his breath comes out in a shudder before I continue.
“Ax, you are my goddamn King. We can rise to any challenge if we do it together. I need to hear you tell me we can do this,” I say again even more firmly, and this time, his eyes flash up to mine showing deep green beneath the blackness. When his hands come up and grab my face too, I let myself smile.
“We can fucking do this,” he repeats, his voice raspy. We stand with our foreheads pressed together just watching one another, not caring about the audience around us.
“If you guys are going to do this, we need to go back to your room. Actually, we should do that anyway,” Ethan chimes in, bringing us back to reality.
I sigh a breath of relief as I pull away from Ax, but the relief is only temporary. Yeah, I’m glad I pulled him back for now from wherever that dark place in his head was, but I don’t believe my own words. What the fuck are we gonna do? I am totally fucked.
Despite this innate knowledge, I don’t let it show on my face. Grasping Ax’s hand firmly in my own, we turn to leave the yard. I catch sight of the prisoners watching us, but fuck ‘em. I don’t doubt I’ll have to worry about them tomorrow, but tonight, I’m living like there ain’t no tomorrow.
Denial at its finest.
We make our way back to the room, ignoring the pointed stares and whispers. Ethan comes with us.
“Who was that?” I ask, figuring it’s the safest question to ask while on the move. I don’t doubt the other prisoners have some idea, but this is all new to me.
“Richard Hinkle,” Ethan replies, and I raise an eyebrow.
“Seriously? Dick Hinkle?”
Ethan nods and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I almost forgot about what Ax said about Sammi. I may not like the woman on principle, but he’s obviously hurting too. I’m hardly the person to judge who someone else falls for.
“Well,” I say, turning to Ax, “what does Dick have to say?”