I give him a quizzical look but give him the moment he obviously needs.
“You made me forget,” he says in a whisper, his eyes boring into mine. I shift, a bit uncomfortable at being the idol of adoration.
“Forget what?”
He holds out his forearm, which seems to have the most scars He traces one, looking down at it thoughtfully.
“Have you ever killed a man?” he asks, shocking me a bit with the question.
“Yes,” I reply hesitantly. Normally this isn’t something one would admit, but I suppose in The Tomb it would be almost a badge of honor. “After…After Josh died, I was on my own. I got into more than one fight and almost got found out more than once.”
He nods, completely accepting this.
“I’ve never talked to anyone about this,” he admits, “but perhaps you know the feeling after a fight or after you kill someone. The feeling of power that violence and bloodshed brings.”
I nod but don’t respond in detail. It’s a feeling I was never comfortable with, that sort of adrenaline that pulses through you when you win a fight. I don’t like it, but I know it. He seems to accept my short nod as he continues.
“When I was young here, I learned how to fight. Me and Ethan were lucky in some ways. We were children, yes, but for the most part the other inmates were good to us. Even these savages don’t hurt kids, and the few that tried didn’t last long. So, we were taught. It wasn’t until I was sixteen though and challenged Brenan that I experienced my first kill.”
Twenty Six
Axle
Ican’t believe I won.
Years and years of preparation have made this moment, and I won. The power and adrenaline coursing through my body make me feel invincible as I look down on Brenan’s bloodied and motionless form.
Sweat drips down my face and chest but I hardly register it over the boom and cacophony of voices cheering around me. My senses seem heightened, everything from the crispness of my vision to the scent of dirt, blood and sweat. I can taste the death in the air.
Ethan slaps my back when I get out of the pit, grinning at me. My arm twitches and another inmate walks up behind me. I don’t know his name. Something is on fire under my skin and I try to shake it off. When the other man also pats my back in congratulations, something inside me bursts and I turn around and begin to pummel him…
* * *
“It was like once I killed, something unleashed inside of me that couldn’t be tamed without blood. Like an addiction. I killed that other man that day, as well as Brenan. Several more in the days following.”
I notice Ana is a touch paler after hearing my story, but still her hand is gripped tightly in mine. Her eyes look almost watery, which I don’t understand.
My words seem inadequate to describe the weight that’s been lifted from my chest with her presence.
“Since then, the flames, the demons beneath my skin, haven’t abated, it’s gotten worse. On really bad days, too many days, I cut. It’s the only other way I can find release. It’s like an addiction.” I look into her eyes, desperate.
“I am not a good man, Ana. I’ve killed and shed blood and I’ll do it again. I have to. But since you, touching you, the demons are finally calm. Your touch is like the best drug and one I would give myself to willingly.”
A single tear falls from her eye and my heart cracks. Before I can open my mouth, a bell sounds out overhead letting me know the inner gates are about to open, delivery has arrived. Which also means Sammi is here.
I hadn’t broached this with Ana yet, intending to catch Sammi at the gate and tell her that her services weren’t needed. I may not know much about women, but I know enough to know those two meeting is not something I need right now.
“Shit,” I say succinctly, wishing I could say and soak her in more. “I have to get down to the gate. Will you be okay?”
She nods. “Yeah, but you kinda fucked my wrap up so I don’t know how I’m going to cover myself.” I smile at the fond memory of cutting it from her skin the night prior and my dick hardens immediately.
“Put your hoodie on and zip it up. No one should come up here so you should be fine if you stay here. I’ll be right back.”
She smiles and stands to get dressed and I stop in the doorway for a moment, admiring her gorgeous and lithe body.
“Fuck.”
I turn and head down to the gate, adjusting myself as I walk.