“Don’t,” he says, turning to face me. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it. Not yet. Not now.”
“Why not? Did something happen?”
“Because when we walk into this meeting, I’m The Hawk. I make decisions that are cold, hard, and often brutal. I won’t change that because you’re present. But those things might change what you’re about to say.”
“They won’t change anything.” I don’t offer him the reasons he doesn’t want to hear right now. “What’s happened?” I repeat.
He moves toward me, and by the time I straighten, he is standing toe-to-toe with me, close enough for me to smell that special blend of spice and masculinity that is the man I love. Close enough for me to feel the welcome warmth of his body without him touching me. “Giada gave me something of her father’s,” he surprises me by saying. “He was a good man, lost too soon, like others I’ve known, and will know in the future.”
His comment about the rain makes sense now. Giada inadvertently stirred the demon named “death” to life, and with it, a reminder to Kayden that he’s human, and so is everyone who counts on him, me included. And I won’t give it legs or life by speaking its name. “What did Giada give you?”
He takes my hand and presses something small and round into my palm. “His lucky coin,” he says, closing my fingers around it and his around mine, the warmth of his touch doing nothing to destroy the chill in the air and around him. “She thought he’d want me to have it, to protect me. Because her father admired me and felt I was making Europe a more stable region.”
He is, but I don’t say that either, not now, when I am certain it’s not what he wants to hear, nor will it mean anything to him in this moment.
“But you see,” he continues, “I don’t believe in luck. It’s dangerous. It’s the devil in disguise that tears down your guard and gets you killed.”
“But you took the coin.”
“That’s why I took her coin.”
Understanding hits me. “So she no longer thinks luck is on her side.”
“That’s right, and I told her that. I told her to believe in herself, and think for herself.” He tightens his grip on my hand. “There is no such thing as luck, Ella,” he repeats.
“I know that, Kayden. My father made sure I know that.”
“There will be more blood and tears. There will be more death. I can’t tell you there won’t be.”
“But there will be less because of you. Not just in Europe; Evil Eye established boundaries where there were none.”
“And I convinced myself that by evoking Evil Eye I could protect you so I could really, truly make you mine. I’m not downplaying your abilities, which are many, but you need my protection in this world, and you seem to respect and understand how to navigate that and stay yourself. And I will protect you. The Underground will protect you—from physical harm. But the life I lead cuts deep beneath the surface.”
My gut is twisted into all kinds of knots. “What are you saying, Kayden?”
“That I want to take you upstairs, strip you naked, and do everything in my power to convince you that I can heal every one of those cuts.”
“You have, and you are, healing wounds. I would never survive without you.”
“Only to create more.” He releases my hand and steps back, putting space I don’t want between us. “And that would make me the same selfish bastard who proposed to you today.”
“You are the least selfish person I’ve ever met, including my mother, who’d have baked cookies for a complete stranger.”
“And yet I tried to make things simple, where they are complicated.”
“But you like complicated. You just said that, and I like it, too.”
“Do you?”
“Your kind of complicated.” I hesitate only a moment. “Kayden, earlier, when you asked me to marry you—”
“After the meeting.”
“The meeting will change nothing.”
The door opens and I want to scream at the timing, but neither of us looks toward our visitor, who turns out to be Adriel. “Carlo is here,” he announces. “And he’s in a mood you might want to address before the meeting. Or, an option I’ll throw on the table: as your newly reinstated second-in-command, I can knock the shit out of him and be done with it.”
Kayden inhales and lets the breath out. “I need to make sure he sees the big picture, not just revenge against Alessandro.”