I’m shocked at just how aroused I am in this moment, just how curious I am about what he will do to me. Just how much I want the escape that he’s claimed sex can be for him. An escape chosen with him. “I’ve never . . . I don’t . . .”
“I do. I will.”
Butterflies flutter in my belly. “Can you just do it now so I don’t have to be nervous?”
“Are you afraid, Ella?”
“No,” I say, meaning it. “I am not afraid.”
I blink and we’re face to face, his back against the couch, his shaft thick and hard between my thighs. He pulls my hands between us and he cradles me, his palm on my backside. “I told you I would spank you.”
“I’m quite clear on your tastes, Kayden. It’s not the first time you’ve . . . done that.”
“This is different than before,” he warns. “This is a real spanking, not the pats from before.”
“Those were pats?”
“Yes. Those were what I call pats. You still—”
“Yes,” I say firmly.
“After all he did to you, even beat you, you’d let me do that?”
“You’re not him.”
“Why aren’t you afraid, Ella?”
“Because you’re not him.” And then it hits me, the message he’s getting across. “I trust you completely. There’s your point. But I told you that I trust you. I think it’s you who doubts me.”
“No. I don’t doubt your trust. Why do you trust me? And don’t say it’s because I’m me.”
“You would never hurt me. Because you’re . . . safe.”
“Yes,” he says, his free hand brushing my hair back and tilting my face to his. “Safety comes first. It allows you to keep fighting the battles that need to be fought.”
Suddenly I am squeezing my eyes shut, and I’m back in time, in a gym with my father.
We are facing each other, circling on the mat. “Defend yourself at all costs,” he says, throwing a punch that should hit me, but he stops short.
“Damn it, child.” He knocks me to the ground and stands over me. “You could be dead right now. Your mother could be dead right now.”
“Don’t say that,” I hiss.
“Because of you, she could be dead,” he says. “Defend yourself at all costs.”
A growl escapes my throat and I stand back up. He throws a punch and I duck under it, kneeing him in the stomach. He catches my leg and I go down again.
He stands over me. “What do you do now?”
“Ella.”
I blink and the moment I look into Kayden’s eyes, he presses inside me. I gasp, and then pant, the feel of him stretching me, of pulling m
e down his hard shaft, stealing any thought or worry. “Now you’re with me,” he says. “That’s where I want you. With me and safe.”
I lift my bound hands and touch my fingers to his face. “I like that I am safe with you. But you are safe with me, too. I want to be that for you. You know that, right?”
His forehead finds mine. “Ah, woman, what you do to me. Yes. I know I am safe with you, in ways only you understand.” He reaches up and rips the tape, leaving it connected to my arms but freeing me. I immediately dive my fingers into the thick waves of his light brown hair.