“Ana,” I groan out her name through gritted teeth, my fist stroking the length of my cock hard and fast, hips thrusting up as I imagine her astride me, under me, her body enveloping me with slick, wet heat as I bury myself inside of her. I imagine the softness of her, the warmth, the taste, the way I would bury my face between her thighs and bring her to climax over and over until she’s wet and trembling for me, clenching around my cock when I finally drive inside of her.
I want her with a ferocity that I’ve never felt for any woman. I want to protect her and devour her all at once, to make love to her and fuck her wildly, to keep her safe so that I, and only I, can be the one who touches her.
I know it’s madness, but I feel as if there’s nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for that.
It’s not a fantasy of taking her home from the bar or the illusion of her in her dressing room at the ballet that I think of as I tilt my head back, giving myself over to thoughts of Ana as I stroke myself. I picture her here, now, her blonde hair spilling out over the hotel pillows, her lips parted as she gasps my name, her thin body held in my hands as I thrust into her, claiming her for my own, whispering over and over again that I’ll never let her go, that I’ll never let anyone take her from me again.
That this time, I’ll keep her safe forever.
I hadn’t been able to save her the first time, but I won’t give up this time.
“Fuck—” I grit my teeth as I come, feeling my cock swell and throb in my fist, my hips jerking with the fierce desire to be inside of her, to bury myself in her as deeply as I can as I spill myself into her. The pleasure is mixed with frustration as I spill over my hand, wanting more than anything to feel her body, her skin, her warmth, and not be clutching at a ghost as I come helplessly into my fist.
It feels hollow. The release eases some of my tension, but the uncertainty is still there, the feeling of being torn between two things and being unsure if I can do either of them justice.
I get up and walk naked to the shower, feeling the weight of exhaustion on my shoulders, and we’ve only just begun. I don’t know how far we’ll still have to go to find Ana, but I know one thing for certain.
I can’t give up now. Whatever waits for me back in Boston, I’ll face it once I’ve found her.
And I’ll bring her home with me. Safe and sound—and mine.