Every time I open my mouth around her, I seem to say the wrong thing. It’s just another reason to believe the marriage wouldn’t work well, even if Ana weren’t in the picture.
Of course, if I didn’t have another woman on my mind, I might not be so resistant to kissing the beautiful one in front of me.
I’ve never before had a woman so lovely practically begging me to lay one on her and felt not the slightest desire to do so.
It’s a good thing Niall can’t see this.I run my hand through my hair again, turning away from Saoirse. I can’t look at her soft, hurt face a second longer. She’s making me feel like a right piece of shit, and frustration wells up in me as I hear her voice pierce the air behind me again.
“Liam, you don’t want to make my father angry. He’s already starting to test the waters to see who might agree with him that you don’t deserve your seat at the head of the Kings. You need to sign the contract. If not for me, then for yourself—for your family’s legacy.” Saoirse pauses, her voice cool and clear again. “My father and I will be at St. Patrick’s tonight. It would be a wise decision if you were there as well.”
She starts to turn away, and I should let her go, if only to get the much-needed peace that I came out here for in the first place. But instead, without turning around, I call her name.
“Saoirse.”
I hear her stop and her soft intake of breath before she speaks again. “Yes, Liam?”
Now I do turn around, and I see her facing away from me, her slender shoulders rising and falling as she clearly struggles to control her emotions. The back of her gown is open, displaying her pale back, and I wonder what it would be like to want to run my fingers down the length of her spine to unzip that dress and find out what lies beneath it.
Everything would be so much easier if I did.
“We don’t need to play this game, you know,” I say tiredly.
She tenses. “No, I don’t know,” Saoirse says finally. “What are you talking about?”
“The game where you pretend you want me to get me to sign it, like you just did.”
Saoirse’s hands slowly clench at her sides, and I blink, startled. It’s the most emotion I’ve seen from her so far that isn’t sadness, and it makes me respect her a little more as she slowly turns to face me, her face set in tense lines.
“I’m not pretending, Liam,” she says quietly. “I do want you. It’s embarrassing to admit, really, because you so clearly don’t feel the same. I don’t know why, or what’s making you drag your heels, and I’m not sure I want to know. But I’m not faking it to convince you to do anything.”
I let out a long sigh, shaking my head. “Saoirse, this will be easier if we’re honest with each other. You can’t tell me that if it weren’t Connor standing here instead, you wouldn’t be saying and doing the same things. It’s him you would have been meant to marry if he hadn’t disappeared. It’s the position and marriage you and your father want, not me. Your father, in particular, would be a hell of a lot happier to have married you off to Connor, and not to me.”
Saoirse purses her lips, irritation coloring her pretty features. “Liam,” she says calmly, her fingers tightening on her clutch purse. “I’d thank you to not tell me what I do and do not feel, as if you knew me better than I know myself. You’re right that Connor would have been my husband if he’d stayed to take your father’s seat, and you’re right that I would have done as my father wished and married him if that had been the case. But as far as whatIwant—” she lets out a sigh, her shoulders slumping a little as she looks at me.
“We grew up together, Liam,” she says quietly. “Not closely, no. I doubt you ever paid much attention to me, not even when we were teenagers. I didn’t have a lot of friends because my father kept me so sheltered. A girl of my rank is a precious thing, you know. No chance can be taken with her innocence.” Her voice changes slightly, the words mocking. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice you, Liam. You and Connor, with Niall acting like an older brother to the both of you, and Connor always the serious one.” She shakes her head, her lips trembling slightly, and I can see that she’s holding back tears.
It makes me feel like an asshole.
“I knew back then Connor would probably be my husband one day. My mother said it often enough. But he wasn’t the one I wanted. I used to daydream aboutyou, Liam. The cocky, funny, reckless younger brother who got away with everything because he wasn’t the one meant to inherit. The one that your father never paid much attention to and let you run wild. I didn’t want the serious, stern, arrogant older brother. I wanted the one who made me feel like he might be an adventure. Something different than what I’d grown up with all my life.”
Saoirse reaches up then, pushing a strand of hair out of her face that’s blown loose in the breeze. “I see now that’s not the man you are. But the fact remains, Liam, that I was overjoyed when my da came to me and said you’d be the man I was marrying. It’s not a burden for me to marry you, but I see quite plainly that it is for you. So I’ll say this—you can think whatever you like. But don’t youdaretell me how I feel ever again, Liam McGregor, because you don’t know.” Her chin trembles, but she keeps it up, green eyes flashing as she stares me down. “You don’t know.”
I feel my own shoulders slump as I look at her, exhaustion filling every part of me. “I’m sorry, Saoirse—”
“I’ll be at St. Patrick’s tonight,” she says, turning away. “Be there or don’t. But my father will be calling a meeting of the Kings tomorrow if you’re not.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding as she stalks back towards the door to go back inside, her spine stiff and straight.
Saoirse O’Sullivan will make some man a hell of a bride.
It’s a shame that I wish it didn’t have to be me.