“More than he should, probably.” Sofia hands me one of the cups. “But it’s not as if he has close friends. Everyone he knows now could be a rival if the winds changed. His one best friend turned out to be a traitor. He loathes to let too many too close these days. He wants me to be his confidante, and I’m happy to be. At first, I didn’t want to be a part of this life. But Luca knows what I can handle and what I’d rather not hear. And I’ve come to accept that this is what I was meant for. My father had a reason for promising me to Luca, and I don’t regret his choice. It’s been painful at times, but it’s brought me a great deal of love and joy, too.”
Her hand drifts down to the gentle swell of her stomach when she says that last, and I feel a tightness in my chest. I don’t want to give Viktor a son, but at the same time, the thought of never having a child of my own hurts. I’d never expected to love my future husband, but I’d always looked forward to having children—to being a mother. I am now, in a way, but there’s a part of me that feels hollow at the thought that I might never carry one of my own.
“Let’s go outside,” Sofia says gently. “I don’t want to leave Ana too long. She’s struggling more since we’ve been here. There’s nothing to distract her, and she’s not eating well or doing any of the things her doctors have suggested. And I can’t force her. She’s—”
“She’s depressed.” I follow Sofia towards the back door, feeling very much as if I understand what Ana’s feeling. I’m hurtling in the same direction. The need to keep it together for Anika and Yelena is the only thing really keeping me from sinking into the same kind of dark place.
“Yes.” Sofia lets out a long breath. “And I don’t know what to do for her, except try to distract her. So today we’re sitting in the gardens and talking. It’s the best I can think of, stuck in this house.”
She pushes open the door and then stops in her tracks. For a second, I think something bad has happened, and then I follow her gaze and realize what she’s looking at.
Liam is perched on one of the wrought-iron seats surrounding the stone firepit, leaning forward and listening to something that Ana is saying, his green eyes bright. Since he’s been here, he’s let stubble start to grow on his upper lip and jaw, and it suits him, makes him look older.
Neither of us can hear anything they’re saying, but it’s clear that he’s fixated on it, whatever it is. All of his attention is focused on her, and Ana has a shy smile on her face, her hands knotted together in the cashmere blanket covering her lap.
“I thought for sure he would have left once the fire was started,” Sofia whispers. “I guess they’ve just been out there talking the whole time.”
“Ana doesn’t seem to mind.”
“No, but—” Sofia presses her lips together, her brow furrowing. “She’s so different, now. You didn’t know her very well before, but you met her a few times. She was nevershy, never quiet. Especially not with men.”
“I definitely gathered that, the few times we all hung out.” I watch the two of them, feeling something in the pit of my stomach that’s so unfamiliar I can’t put a name to it at first. When I finally do, I feel horribly guilty.
It’s jealousy. Liam is looking at Ana as if he’s savoring every word she says, his attraction to her written over every inch of his face, his green eyes gentle and kind. No man has ever looked at me like that, as if he wants to hear every word that comes out of my mouth as if he wants to cherish me, protect me, adore me. Even in his most possessive moments, there’s a brutality in Viktor, a ruthlessness that will never go away.
And I don’t know if I would want it to. It turns me on, his brutishness, his roughness. It’s different from all the men I’ve ever known, frightening and thrilling all at once. But I felt a hint of that tenderness last night, heard a glimmer of it in his voice—and seeing the way Liam is looking at Ana makes me crave it all over again.
I want that from my husband. I want it fromViktor, and I know I can’t ever have it.
Getting a glimpse of it was worse than never seeing it at all. And it hurts more than I could have ever imagined it would.
“She needs to be careful,” I say quietly, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “He’s no good for her.”
“He might be.” Sofia is still watching the two of them. There’s no jealousy in her face, but why would there be? Luca adores her. He’s a vicious man too, but not when it comes to his wife. Not anymore. He would burn the world down to protect her and their child, but he’d never lay a finger in violence on her unless she wanted him to.
I know they play some of the same rough games that Viktor enjoys with me. But Sofia wants it now, without reservation. She’s come to understand Luca for the man he is and loves him anyway.
But Luca and Viktor are different in many ways.
“He’s the head of a crime family.” I shake my head. “As damaged as she is, you really think he’d be right for her? Don’t you think you should tell him to stay away?”
“That’s not my place. If anyone were to say that, it would be Luca. I could say something to Luca, but—” Sofia gestures to the two of them. “He’s not even trying to touch her. It’s harmless. And look at her face. That’s the happiest I’ve seen her since—” she breaks off, but I know what she’s not saying.
“I can’t take that away from her,” Sofia says simply. “It’s harmless, I’m sure of it. Anyway, Liam will wind up marrying someone that helps his position, just like any other leader of one of the families. Probably the daughter of one of the other high-ranking members in the Kings, to guarantee an ally if anyone ever objects to him having taken his father’s seat ahead of his brother. It’s not serious.”
I remember having the same thoughts when Max had watched Sasha heading down the hall, his face flushed with obvious attraction.A harmless crush. Something to make her feel better.But something deep in my gut tells me that the way Liam is looking at Ana is more than that.
Sofia takes that moment to step out into the garden, but I can’t bring myself to. “I’m going to go up and check on Anika and Yelena,” I say quickly, retreating.
“Are you sure?” Sofia looks at me worriedly. “It’s nice out next to the fire, I promise. And maybe you shouldn’t be alone—”
“I won’t be,” I tell her firmly. “I’ll be with the girls. Let me know if either of you needs anything.” I say that last as brightly as I can, trying to reaffirm my position as the one in charge, in control of running the house. What I should be, as Viktor’s wife.
Not weak and afraid, on the verge of bursting into tears at any moment and sinking into a place darker than any I’ve ever been in before.
That’s not the woman I am. Not the woman I was raised to be and not the woman he married. If I’m going to insist that he stick to the limits of our marriage as it was arranged, I need to do exactly that.
Mother his children. Run his household. Go to bed with him only when necessary to give him an heir.
And forget about everything else.