So why is it so hard with Viktor? Is it because what he does feels so much different from moving weapons or selling drugs? Is it because I can’t stop seeing his daughters’ faces every time I look at Sasha? Is it because I’m a woman with stepdaughters, who can’t see how what he does has any moral value at all, despite his arguments?
Or is it simply because I want him, because my feelings for him are greater than just obligation, no matter how much I want to pretend otherwise—and I can’t justify that to myself unless he changes?
My train of thought is cut off abruptly by the door opening as the doctor strides in, his face tightening instantly at the sight of Anika on the bed. I’m sure he must know that Viktor won’t take his daughter’s death lightly, and the man must be quaking in his shoes, knowing that the responsibility of saving Anika rests on him
“What’s happened?” he asks briskly, taking in the scene in front of him—Anika’s still body, her hand in Viktor’s, the cloth I have pressed to her stomach.
“There was an attack.” Viktor’s tone is taut and brittle. “Gunshots. Anika got caught somewhere in the middle of it. I’m not sure what her injuries are, exactly—”
“Excuse me.” The doctor nudges me aside, leaving me with a bloody cloth in my hands and my heart beating rapidly again, my anxiety rising at the look on his face. “This would be difficult for a healthy adult to survive,” he says tersely, looking at Viktor. “For a child of her age—”
“She can’t die,” Viktor says sharply. “I’m relying on you to—”
“I’ll do all I can,pakhan,” the doctor says, inclining his head respectfully. I’m momentarily startled by the address, but after a moment’s thought, it makes sense. Of course, here, near his safe house, in Russia, Viktor would have a doctor who is loyal to him and aware of his position.No wonder the man was practically shaking when he walked in.He knows well enough who Viktor is and his reputation.
“She is a small child,” the doctor continues in his calm, thickly accented voice. “I cannot work magic. But if she can be saved, I assure you that I will—”
“Do whatever you have to,” Viktor says sharply.
“I will. But for now, I need you both to step away so that I can do my work and examine her.”
For a moment, I think Viktor is going to refuse. His jaw tightens, and I can see how difficult it is for him to let go of Anika’s hand, setting it gently on the bed as he pushes himself to his feet.
I come around to the side he’s standing on, and I half expect him to push me away or ignore me. All of his focus has been on the small girl lying on the bed, which is no surprise. But whatisa surprise is when he reaches out formyhand, his broad, rough palm wrapping around mine as he clutches it tightly. When I look up at him, he’s still staring straight at the bed, watching the doctor like a hawk as he examines Anika. His face is drawn tight, years older in a matter of minutes, though he’s still as coldly, cruelly handsome as ever. But in this moment, my brutal Bratva husband isn’t pushing me away, punishing me, or shutting me out.
At this moment, heneedsme. And though I have so many reasons to pull away myself, to shut down and step away, leaving him to his worry and his grief, I don’t. I can’t find it in myself to let him suffer alone.
After all, at the very least, he cared for me when I was most in need of him. He helped me, fed me, bathed me, did all he could to make sure I survived. And now that it’s not me lying on a bed, in pain and close to death, I know he needs me to return that care.
I feel almost guilty for my suspicions now, thinking he was behind my kidnapping. In retrospect, thinking over everything he told me in the garden, it feels like ridiculous paranoia. The only thing keeping me from feeling entirely ashamed is the fact that every man in my life so far, including Viktor, has treated me in a way to make me think that such a horrific thing could be possible.
The punishments haven’t helped,I think grimly. Even now, I feel sore and stiff from the last one he meted out, not to mention what we did up against that tree in the garden. But even those I feel conflicted about, because as much as I resent my husband “punishing” me, the methods he uses, make me feel as if I’m melting from the inside out, as if some deep, primal part of me has always needed exactly that. As if I want it, whether it’s deserved or not.
The doctor clears his throat, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I feel Viktor tense next to me.
“She’ll need surgery to remove the bullet,” the doctor says. “There’s no time to take her to the nearest hospital; she wouldn’t make the trip. I’ll have to find a way to create a sterile environment here and have your man send for assistance. She’s stable for now, but I’ll need to operate as soon as possible.”
“Do what you need to,” Viktor says curtly. “Levin will make certain that you have everything you require.”
“Thank you,pakhan.” The doctor eyes me. “This is your wife?”
“Caterina Andreyva,” Viktor says. “My wife and my daughter’s stepmother.”
“She’ll need close care, if she survives the surgery,” the doctor says. “Is your wife up to the task?”
“I’m standing right here,” I say crisply, my annoyance with the peculiarities of mob men and their associates just about at its breaking point. “You can speak directly to me.”
The doctor looks at Viktor, as if confirming that, and I see Viktor’s mouth twitch with an unusual hint of humor, especially under the circumstances. I’d forgotten that, at times, he likes my feistier side.
Just not always when it’s aimed at him.
“You heard my wife,” Viktor says coolly.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Andreyva,” the doctor says, paling slightly. “What I meant to ask was, areyouup to the task? I know not everyone can handle medical—”
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him firmly. “Anika is my daughter too, as far as I’m concerned. Whatever she needs, I’ll assist with.”
“Very good.” The doctor seems relieved that the conversation hadn’t exploded as it could have. “Please have your man make the arrangements as quickly as possible.”
“Stay here,” Viktor says to me, still holding my hand. “I’ll go speak with Levin and return directly.”
He didn’t sayplease, though I hardly expected it from him. Still, it sounded more like a request than an order, the closest I’ve ever heard from him. “Alright,” I say softly. “Hurry back.”
Viktor looks at me, surprised. “I will,” he promises. And then, wonder of wonders, he raises my hand to his lips, kissing it gently before turning sharply towards the door to go and find Levin.
I look back at the bed and the small girl lying there, her shallow breaths very visible.
Fight, Anika,I think quietly, wrapping my arms around myself as I watch her, my heart in my throat.For all of us, fight.