Almost immediately, his face smooths back into careful blankness. Even so, I don’t miss the way his gaze trails over me, from my wet hair tangled around my shoulders to the armor of my fluffy robe covering almost every inch of me. His eyes flick down to my feet and painted red toenails—please God, don’t let that be a fetish of his—and then back up to my face. When he meets my eyes again, there’s no triumph there, not even grim satisfaction. Viktor just looks tired.
“I’ll sleep in the other room of the suite,” he says flatly. “There’s a sofa there; I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in more uncomfortable places,” he adds before I can protest. Which—I wasn’t going to. The idea of having the entire bed to myself, after what just happened, is welcome yet unexpected. The last thing I’d thought Viktor would do is offer, gentlemanly, to let me sleep alone. After his comment about intending to get me pregnant, I’d wondered if he’d planned to keep fucking me all night.
“There are others you’ll need to meet tomorrow,” he continues, tossing back the rest of his drink and then rubbing his hand over his mouth. He takes a deep breath as he stands, his blue eyes still resting on mine. “My life is more complicated than you realize, Caterina,” Viktor says quietly. And then, as he turns away: “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
When he disappears into the other room, I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. I feel as if all the air goes out of me at once with relief that he’s really gone, and I stagger backward, landing on the bed as I close my eyes.
The first few tears fall then, trailing down my cheeks now that there’s no chance of him seeing them. I’m alone, finally alone for the first time since very early this morning, and I feel the weight of everything that’s happened come crashing down on me all at once.
Still wearing the robe, I crawl under the covers, unable to find the energy to get something to change into out of my bag, and unwilling to sleep naked anywhere near Viktor, even with a closed door between us.
And then, in the silence and darkness of the room, as I flick off the light, I finally allow myself to really, truly cry. The tears run down my face, my eyes pressed tightly shut. I press my mouth into my pillow to muffle my sobs until my entire body is shaking with the effort, clinging to the pillow like a life raft as I cry and cry.
Tomorrow, I’ll have to be strong again. I’ll have to face all of this, and get through it somehow.
But tonight, at least, I can cry myself to sleep.
So that’s exactly what I do.