I look at the dress in the mirror, trying to decide how I feel about it. It has a full skirt, although not as big as the Cinderella dress I’d tried on earlier, a square neckline and elbow-length sleeves, and the entire dress is covered in delicate, fragile lace. The bodice is lace over silk, the sleeves sheer and fitted, and the skirt is a heavy Mikado satin, with lace applique and small seed pearls in the middle of each delicately embroidered flower.
It couldn’t be more different from my first dress, which I like. If there had been anything at all that I’d had an opinion on, it was that I didn’t want to look like I had at my first wedding. This is grand enough for any church wedding and a bit more youthful than my first dress, which is good because I personally feel as if I look older from the stress alone. The dress makes me look lighter, happier—which, if I can’t actuallyfeelthat way, is the next best thing, I suppose.
One of the girls comes back with a gorgeous cathedral-length veil, even longer than the train of the dress, edged in delicate eyelash lace. When she pins it into my hair, even I have to admit the effect is stunning.
Sofia comes to stand next to me, smiling wanly as she looks at my reflection in the mirror. “Can we have a minute alone?” she asks, glancing at Diane and the other sales associates, and they quickly back off, trailing away out of earshot as Ana wheels up next to me on the other side, my two friends steadying me as I look in the mirror.
“You look beautiful,” Sofia says gently. “I know this is hard. But if you’re going to do it, you’ll look stunning in this dress.”
“You look freaking incredible,” Ana adds. “Like a princess.”
“Youarea princess, by the Family’s standards,” Sofia adds. “Viktor should be reminded of who he’s marrying. He didn’t demand just any girl from Luca. He’s marrying mafia royalty. He shouldn’t be allowed to forget that for a second.”
I reach for her hand, squeezing it as I look over at her gratefully. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Either of you,” I add, glancing over at Ana. “It would have been so hard to be here alone today.”
“We wouldn’t have let you be alone today,” Ana assures me. “You’ve always been there for us.”
“Especially me,” Sofia adds. “You’ve always got us, Caterina, whatever happens. Viktor won’t be able to take that away. I’ll make sure of it. Or Luca will,” she says with a laugh.
I take a deep breath, smoothing my hands down the heavy satin skirt, feeling the soft brush of the lace against my palms. “Alright,” I say, raising my voice so Diane and Marnie and the other girls can hear. “This is the one. And I’ll take the veil, too.”
This time, at least, there’s no argument about whether or not I’ve tried on enough dresses. Marnie helps me out of it, taking my measurements to have the dress altered to fit perfectly, and then there’s nothing left to do except head home.
“Let’s have lunch,” Sofia says encouragingly. “I know you don’t want to go home just yet.”
Part of me does, if only to hide away from everything and pretend that it’s not happening. But I know that alone, in my big, empty, lonely house, it’ll just crowd in on me anyway. It’s better to be with my friends, even if I’m not feeling like particularly good company.
Besides, I want to spend time with them while it’s all entirely my own.
“Alright.” This time, my smile isn’t entirely forced. “You pick the place.”
And heading back out into the sunlight, I feel a small burst of happiness, even if only for a moment.
These are the ones I’ll need to cling to later.