I’m still on the verge of tears, fighting to keep them at bay. I don’t know how everything spun out of control so quickly. It seems like a cruel fucking joke that the man I picked to be my secret lover had ties to my family anyway, that it all came back to haunt me in the end.
My time with Niall had been beautiful and perfect in every way, and all of it is ruined now. No matter how I try to cling to only the good parts of it, it feels shattered now, stained by all of this and our last moments out in the garden, and I feel hurt and hopeless.
“Ah, I see my daughter has come back from her breath of fresh air.” My father says it jovially, but I can hear the tension in his voice. He stands, tapping a glass. “I have an announcement to make. As you know, I’ve kept Isabella here at home past when she would normally be betrothed. I wanted to make sure the choice I made was the best one for our family.” He hesitates, only for a moment, and when he looks at me, I see something almost apologetic in his eyes. It terrifies me and sends a cold shiver down my spine because I remember the way my mother’s voice quavered earlier on the same subject—one that she’s been excited about for weeks over.
What is happening?I clutch my skirt again, tangling the tulle between my fingers, trying not to look for Niall. I look at my father as he faces the guests, my heart pounding, and wait for him to announce who I’ll be given to.
“It is my pleasure—” something in his voice falters again on the word, but he pushes forward, “—to announce that my daughter, Isabella Lupè Santiago, is to be betrothed to Diego Gonzalez, witnessed by a priest this evening, and to be consecrated within the fortnight.”
My heart stops beating for a moment, and I feel dizzy.He’s not even here,I think, the room spinning around me, but I see as the man stands up from across the room that he is. He must have arrived while I was out in the garden, too good to dine with us, but not too good to make an alliance with my father through marriage.
Horror spreads through me, cold and icy. Diego is fifty-five if he’s a day, older than my father’s promise and far from my idea of attractive—but it’s not that I object to as much as who he is. A notoriously cruel cartel boss—and our family’s enemy.
My father is being manipulated. I know it, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and I feel as if I’m going to be sick. Diego is coming towards me now, his lips spread in a thick, self-satisfied grin, his eyes raking lustfully over me as he comes to claim his prize in front of everyone. I can see the family priest standing as well, a little pale-faced, but he says nothing.
I feel like I could scream, terror bubbling up in my throat.I can’t marry him, I can’t,I think in a horrifying rush. I imagine being forced into bed with him, bearing his children, forced to be subservient to him. A man noted for his cruelty to women as much as anyone else in his orbit or more—and now, my future husband.
A few feet away, next to my brother, I see Niall. He’s blank-faced, not a shred of emotion in his eyes, and that makes me feel sick, too.
“Please.” I turn toward my father, knowing he can see the fear on my face. “Please don’t make me do this. I can’t marry him! Nothim—”
“I’m sorry,pequeña ave,” he says softly, and my heart twists at my father’s pet name for me. “This was the price for peace with the Gonzalez cartel. There will be an alliance with the Irish Kings in Boston and the others allied with them, peace for the first time in decades because of this marriage. Without this, I could not have stopped Diego from starting a war. I could not have made the alliance—and we would be at risk. Your whole family—Elena.” His face is almost as pleading as mine for a moment, begging me to understand. “Don’t you want your family safe, Isabella?”
“You promised,” I whisper helplessly. Diego is close now, a velvet box clutched in his fist, ready to shove the betrothal ring onto my finger.
“A promise like that can’t be kept, not when it hinges on the safety of our family. Your future—and all of ours.” My father turns back towards Diego to welcome him, and I feel as if I’m going mad. As if my world is spinning out of control, flinging me into a future worse than anything I’d imagined before.
I can’t do it. I can’t.Until two weeks ago, I’d only ever done what I was supposed to. I’d taken one small thing for myself, believing my future would remain the same anyway. I would have married my father’s choice, despite what I want—but I can’t marry Diego Gonzalez.
Not for anything.
“I can’t do it,” I speak loudly enough for the whole room to hear, including Diego, and he stops in his tracks. His face instantly reddens with rage, and I see my father turn towards me, his expression hardening too, but I push forward.
There’s only one way out of this, and I can feel my heart breaking in two, knowing what it will mean. But I see no other option.
“He won’t want me,” I continue clearly, looking between my father and Diego, making sure my voice carries. “I’m not a pure bride. I am no longer a virgin.”
I can see the shockwave that ripples through the guests. I don’t dare look at Niall. I see the mounting fury on Diego’s face, and my father’s hand suddenly closes around my elbow as he comes to stand beside me, yanking me forward.
“Who is it?” he demands. “Is he here? Who the fuck touched you?” His rage is spilling out, he never curses in public, and the grip on my arm hurts. But there’s no turning back now.
“Was it one of the guards?” my father snaps, shaking me. “José? I’ve seen you making eyes at him. Tell me who ruined you, Isabella!”
Ruined.The word cuts me to the core because before tonight, nothing felt ruined. I felt made anew, an entirely different person. A braver one.
But after the garden, after this, yes.Ruinedis the right word.
It’s all ruined.
“Yes,” I whisper, my heart in my throat. “He is here.”
“Who?” My father’s voice echoes in my ear, his hand still shaking me, as I turn towards where Niall is standing, now ashen-faced, next to my brother. I see him mouthno, but I’m already speaking.
I stretch out my hand, pointing in his direction. “It was him. Niall Flanagan.” I turn back towards my father, feeling like a rabbit slipped out of a trap and now careening towards a cliffside.
“So he’ll have to be the one to marry me.”