The morning after my tryst with Niall, I wake with every part of me sore and hurting—and feeling just as exhilarated as I did last night. Even the worry of a potential pregnancy isn’t able to dull my spirits as I slip out of bed and into the shower, memories of the night before tumbling through my head.
I feel alive, renewed, in a way that I hadn’t known was possible. The hanging blade of my impending engagement is still over my head, but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming or terrible as it did before. I don’t think anything can dull my good mood, and when a knock comes at my door, I call out with a cheery, “Come in!”
Elena is the one who pokes her head in, dressed in jeans and a yellow eyelet top. “Are you ready yet?” She narrows her eyes at the towel wrapped around me. “Well, I guess that’s my answer.”
“Shit.” I curse aloud, something I never do, because god forbid I slip up and drop a curse word in front of Papá, or worse still, our mother. “What am I supposed to be getting ready for?”
Elena rolls her eyes, then stares at me like I’ve lost my mind when she realizes I’m not joking or being sarcastic. “Um—we’re going shopping again today? Mamá says you need more new clothes for your engagement trousseau—photos, parties, all of that. She and Papá were arguing about it at dinner last night, don’t you remember?
I don’t. Ofcourse,I didn’t because I’d been wrapped up entirely in plans of how I was going to sneak out of the house and to the city so I could find someone to sleep with.
I stare at my little sister, wondering what she’d say if I told her exactly why I didn’t pay attention to any of the dinner conversations last night. She probably wouldn’t even believe me, which makes it all the more tempting to say, but I bite my tongue. There’s no need to drag Elena into this, and it wouldn’t be fair to her to expect her to keep such an explosive secret if she did believe me.
“Shopping,” I repeat the word thickly, feeling my elation start to crumble around me. “Shit.”
“Come on, it’s notthatbad.” Elena rolls her eyes again. “I know this is hard, Isabella—I’m not looking forward to when it’s my turn, either. But we should—”
“Make the best of it. I know.” I sink down on the edge of the bed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I hadn’t drank much last night, but considering my absolute inexperience with alcohol, it had been enough to get me buzzed. Enough, too, to give me a small headache that I hadn’t noticed until just now, when Elena’s news brought me down from the cloud I’d been floating on.
“Look, I’ll find something for you to wear—”
“No!” I snap the word so sharply as Elena moves towards my closet that my sister freezes in her tracks, the expression on her face turning to hurt. I feel instantly horrible when I see it—but I couldn’t let her look in my closet and potentially see the red dress hanging there or our mother’s heels tossed just inside. I’dreallyhave some explaining to do then. “I—can manage.”
“Fine.” Elena’s voice sounds almost brittle. “Just hurry up, would you? I don’t feel like dealing with Mamá being in a bad mood all day.”
She sweeps out of the room, clearly upset, and I can’t blame her. I’ve never spoken to her like that. For the first time, I realize what other consequences my rebellion could have beyond the immediate ones to myself.Is this what lying does?Creates an avalanche of tiny hurts required to cover up the lies, to keep from being found out?
My happiness is replaced with a sinking feeling in my belly as I sift through my closet looking for something to wear. I settle on an emerald green slip dress and heeled boots, leaving my hair loose and fluffing up my lashes with some mascara, so I don’t look quite so tired. Ilookas if I had a late night, with shadows under my eyes and a sallow tinge to my skin, and I don’t want my mother to notice. She’ll just think I’m getting sick, and then she’ll be hovering over me constantly to make sure I’m well in time for the gala, which will make it that much harder to slip out.
They’re both waiting for me downstairs, my mother and Elena, with the former looking pointedly at her diamond and gold watch when she sees me. “We’re going to be late, Isabella,” my mother says huffily, and I do my best not to look as irritated as I feel.
“Why? Do we have another appointment?” I ask as sweetly as I can muster, and my mother narrows her eyes at me.
“Spa appointments. And I want to get some shopping in before lunch.” My mother sniffs, turning away from us to open the door and head out to where the SUV and guards are waiting.
The drive into the city is dull and silent, but I can’t stop the racing of my heart as I remember last night all over again. We’re going to a very different part of downtown, of course, posher and more well-developed, more of a shopping district. But I still can’t help thinking about the neon-lit bar, the smell of smoke and warm bodies, the stone of the bar wall catching on my dress as Niall had pressed me back into it and kissed me. A shiver runs through me at the memory, and I feel more strongly than ever that I have to go back. I need to see him again.
My mother has spa appointments set up for us, something I’ve only ever done once in the past, before my quinceañera. “You need to be glowing before the gala,” she tells me firmly as we check in at the desk. “I have a series of facials and body treatments scheduled for you. Elena, I booked you a manicure and pedicure and a scrub.” She tweaks my sister’s cheek, looking at her sympathetically. “Don’t worry,baya, your time will come. It’s your sister’s moment for now.”
“It’s fine,” Elena says with a small smile. “I don’t need all of that anyway.”
“Do you have an ibuprofen?” I ask suddenly, glancing at my mother. “I have a headache.” I actually do, from the tequila last night, but that’s not why I’m asking.
“In my purse,” my mother says abruptly, giving me a cutting look that suggests I’m trying to get out of my spa treatments. “There’s water over there.”
I rummage in her purse, popping two of the ibuprofen with some of the cucumber and lemon spa water to the right of the desk as my mother finishes signing the waivers for my sister and me.
“Well then.” My mother straightens her shoulders, nudging me towards the woman who appears next to the receptionist's desk. “Go on, Isabella. I have my own facial to get to.”
The next three hours are full of hands poking and prodding and scrubbing me, massaging various exfoliants and oils into my skin and face. While itisrelaxing, there’s something else altogether on my mind.
Ihadneeded painkillers. But what I’d also needed was one of my mother’s credit cards—and now it’s in my purse, waiting for me to use it to buy a new dress before I sneak out again tonight.
When I’m finished, smelling of coconut and mango, I slip out of the room and see Elena waiting outside, reading a book on one of the velvet couches. “I’m going to run down the street and get a coffee,” I tell her quickly. “I’m so tired, and I don’t want to upset Mamá even more. Let her know if she comes out before I’m back, okay? I’ll meet you both back here in like—fifteen minutes.”
“I can come with you—” Elena starts to say, but I shake my head quickly.
“Mamá will be upset if we’re both gone. Just let her know for me, okay?” I turn away quickly before Elena can answer, but I don’t miss the shadow of hurt on her face.That’s twice today I’ve upset my sister.My best friend, my closest confidante. I have to be careful. Niall will only be around for a little while, but Elena is the only person who will really stick by me. I can’t afford to damage that relationship for one that won’t last—and yet, the eager pull to see him again, to lose myself in daydreams about tonight, to fantasize about what else we could do and be entirely consumed by it, is so tempting that I can’t help but tell myselfshe’ll understand.Or rather, she won’t, because I can’t ever tell her. But she’ll forget about these few small slights, and things will go back to normal. I can chalk it up to stress over my soon-to-be engagement.