She regarded him with perfect equanimity, and Jane noticed the invisible “No Trespassing” sign she had been wearing disappeared now that her husband had gone.
He looked troubled. “Why’s Dad calling you Amber? I don’t like it.”
“Then you’ll have to speak with him about it, won’t you?” She smiled at Jane. “Knowing Cal, he won’t think to take you any place but the Mountaineer. If you’d like to see some of the local shops, I’d be happy to show you around. We could have lunch afterward.”
“Oh, I’d love that.”
Cal stepped forward. “Now, Jane, you don’t have to be polite. Mom’s understanding.” He slipped his arm around his mother’s shoulders. “Jane can’t spare any time from her research right now, but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She’s saying yes when she really wants to say no.”
“I understand completely.” Lynn’s expression said she didn’t understand at all. “Of course, your work is more important than socializing. Forget I said anything.”
Jane was appalled. “No, really—”
“Please. You don’t need to say another word.” Turning her back on Jane, she hugged Cal. “I have to get to a meeting at church. Being the minister’s mother is becoming a full-time job; I wish Ethan would get married.” She glanced over at Jane, her eyes cool. “I hope you can spare some time for us on Saturday night.”
Jane felt the rebuke. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
Cal escorted his mother to the door, where they spoke for a few moments. Afterward, he returned to the kitchen.
“How could you do that?” she said. “You made me seem like a snob to your mother?”
“What difference does it make?” He straightened his leg to pull his car keys from the right pocket of his jeans.
“Difference? It was a direct insult to her.”
“So?”
“I can’t believe you’re being so obtuse.”
“Now I get it.” He set his keys on the counter. “You want to be the dearly beloved daughter-in-law. That’s it, isn’t it?”
“I simply want to be courteous.”
“Why? So they can start to like you, and then have their guts ripped out when they find out we’re getting a divorce?”
Uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach. “Exactly what are you saying?”
“They’ve already mourned one daughter-in-law,” he replied quietly. “I’m not going to have them mourn another. When they find out about our divorce, I want them cracking a bottle of champagne and celebrating their oldest son’s narrow escape from a bad marriage.”
“I don’t understand.” Even though she did.
“Then let me spell it out. I’d appreciate it very much if you made sure that my parents can’t stand the sight of you.”
Her hands began to tremble, and she clasped them together in front of her. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized that she’d been entertaining a subtle, but nonetheless powerful, fantasy of being made to feel part of Cal’s family. For someone who had always wanted to belong, this was the final irony. “I’m the designated bad guy.”
“Don’t look at me like that. You came into my life uninvited and turned everything upside down. I don’t want to be a father right now; I sure as hell don’t want to be a husband. But you took away my choice, and now you have to make some of that up to me. If you’ve got an ounce of compassion in that heart of yours, you won’t hurt my parents.”
She turned away and blinked her eyes. He couldn’t have asked anything that would disturb her more. Once again she would be the outsider, and she wondered if this was always to be her role in life? Would she always stand on the fringes gazing in at other people’s families, at the bonds that seemed to come so easily to everyone else? But this time, if Cal had his way, she would be more than an oddity. This time she was to be loathed.
“A big chunk of my life is here in Salvation,” he said. “My friends. My family. You’ll just be around for a couple of months and then disappear.”
“Leaving behind nothing but bad memories.”
“You owe me,” he said softly.
There was a sense of justice in what he was asking that was almost eerie in its perfection. What she had done to Cal was immoral, which was why she’d been dogged by guilt for months, and now she had a chance to serve penance. He was right. She hadn’t done anything to deserve a place in his family. And she owed him.
He fiddled with his keys on the counter, and she realized he was uncomfortable. It was rare to see him looking anything but self-confident, and it took her a moment to understand. He was afraid she wouldn’t go along with his wishes, and he wanted a way to convince her.