“All right. Let’s go.” I reach for the door.
She scoots closer and grabs my arm. “Whatever you think you heard—”
Anger comes at me with surprising depth. “He’s not here for me, Ana. And clearly, you aren’t either.”
“That’s not true. Why do we keep going there?”
“I didn’t go there. I don’t go there, Ana. You do.”
“No,” she insists. “I do not. You keep assuming—”
“Assuming?” I demand. “I heard what you said to him. Why wouldn’t he hate me if I killed his son?”
“Why wouldn’t he? For you to think that’s not an option is denial Luke. If he loved Kasey, he would have had some kind of animosity toward you. We need to know it’s not at play.”
“Because you have animosity toward me?”
“Me being confused over you back then was natural in the aftermath of a loss. It was shock and grief that I’ve had two years to deal with and regret. He hasn’t seen you since it happened. If he can truly tune that out, he’s cold. He’s callous.”
“He’s Kurt, Ana. Of course, he’s cold and callous. That doesn’t mean he didn’t care about Kasey. I cared about Kasey. I wanted him to turn it around but he didn’t have that in him. You’re the one with the referendum on Kasey that says everyone should fight for him when he fought for no one but himself.”
She swallows hard. “I know. He’s Kurt. Maybe I just—you know, if he doesn’t fight for Kasey, why would he fight for me?”
“He answered that for you ten different ways,” I remind her, I also remind myself that I hungered for a family after losing my parents at a young age. She’s clinging to the one man she knew as a parent and craving a reaction from him that makes him worthy of that title. “I know you want something from him he’s not giving you, baby.”
“No,” she says adamantly. “No. I’m worried about you as a target.”
“His best friend is dead, Ana. If this was about me, Jake wouldn’t be dead.” I stroke her hair back from her face. “You are not thinking logically where Kurt is concerned, and whether you realize it or not, that’s because he hurt you.”
“He trained the emotion out of me, Luke. You know that.”
“You are not Kasey. He didn’t train it out of you. I think I’ve proven that just by existing in your life. And that’s a good thing, Ana. It’s why you wear that badge with compassion, honesty, and strength, the way it’s supposed to be worn.”
Her fingers bunch around my shirt. “You’re right. I’m emotional, over you. His presence feels like a knife about to cut you from my life. Why can’t you see my questioning as that? As my need to protect you, not my need to blame you.”
Guilt stabs at me over my reaction. She’s right. I need to stop cornering her reactions with a label that reads as the blame game against me. I lean in, my lips close to hers, my breath hot on her cheek when there’s a knock on the window. I curse and kiss her hard and fast. “I will do better,” I vow, and already there’s another knock only this time more insistent.
It’s a reminder that we can make all the promises to each other in the world, but until this is over, we have no time, or way, of acting on those promises. Nothing matters until this is over. And damn it to hell, if I need to go kill some people to make that happen, let Lucifer come out to play.
It’s time to do some damage to our enemies.