He jumped off the bed and stood across from it, facing her. “He was my twin. My identical twin. Losing him was like losing a part of me.”
Torn between empathy for the pain he so clearly still felt and fury that he would think she didn’t understand, she blurted out, “Did you think I didn’t know that? That your parents, your sister, were clueless as to what Jack’s death cost you?” Her voice climbed on every word until she heard herself shouting and deliberately dialed it back. “We were here for you, Sam. You didn’t see us.”
“I couldn’t.” He shook his head, glanced around for his clothes, then reached down and snatched up his jeans. Tugging them on, he left them unbuttoned as he faced her again. “Hell, I was half out of my mind with grief and rage. I couldn’t be around you.”
“Ah,” she said, nodding sagely as she silently congratulated herself for not throwing something at him. “So you left for my sake. How heroic.”
“Damn it, you’re not listening to me.”
“No, I’m not. Not much fun being ignored, is it?” She gathered up her hair with trembling fingers and in a series of familiar moves, tamed the mass into a thick braid that frayed at the edges. “Why should I listen to you anyway?”
“Because I’m back now.”
“For how long?”
He frowned again and shook his head. “I don’t know the answer to that yet.”
“So, just passing through.” Wow, it was amazing how much that one statement hurt. And Lacy knew that if she allowed herself to get even more involved with him, when he left this time, the pain would be more than she could take. So she drew a cloak of disinterest around her and belted it as tightly as her robe. “Well, have a nice trip to...wherever.”
The pain was as thick and rich as it had been two years ago. She’d gotten through it then, curling up in solitude, focusing on her job at the lodge and on her photography. The pictures she’d taken during that time were black-and-white and filled with shadows that seemed to envelop the landscape. She could look at them now and actually feel the misery she’d been living through. And damned if she would go back to that dark place in her life.
He took a breath and huffed it out again in a burst of frustration. “I’m not proud of what I did two years ago, Lacy. But I had to go, whether you believe that or not.”
“I’m sure you believe it,” she countered.
“And I’m—”
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” Her voice cracked into the room like a whip’s snap.
“I won’t. I did what I had to do at the time.” His features were tight, his eyes shining with an emotion she couldn’t read in the dim light. “Can’t be sorry for it now.”
Flabbergasted, Lacy stared at him and actually felt her jaw drop. “That’s amazing. Really. You’re not sorry, are you?”
Again, he pushed his hands through his hair and looked suddenly as if he’d rather be anywhere but there. “What good would it do?”
“Not an answer,” she pointed out.
“All I can give you.”
Cold. She was cold. And her thick terry-cloth robe might as well have been satin for all the warmth it was providing at the moment. For two years, she’d thought about what it might be like if he ever came home. If he ever deigned to return to the family he’d torn apart with his absence. But somehow, she’d always imagined that he’d come back contrite. Full of regret.
She should have known better. Sam Wyatt did what he wanted when he wanted and explained himself to no one. Heck, she’d known him most of her life, had married him, and he’d still kept a part of himself locked away where she couldn’t touch it. He’d gone his own way always and for a while, he’d taken her with him. And she, Lacy thought with a flash of disgust, had been so glad to be included, she’d never pushed for more—that was her fault. His leaving? His fault.
“God,” he said on a short laugh, “I can practically see you thinking. Why don’t you just say what you have to and get it out?”
“Wow. You really have not changed one bit, have you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You even want to be in charge of when I unload on you.”
“We both know you’ve got something to say, so say it and get it done.”
“You want it?” she asked, hands fisting helplessly at her sides. “Fine. You walked out on all of us, Sam. You walked away from a family who loved you. Needed you. You walked away from me. You never said goodbye. You just disappeared and then the next thing I know, divorce papers are arriving in the mail.”