“Okay, no, I’m not.” Nodding, Lacy held her wineglass a little tighter and drew a long, deep breath. “But I can be. It’s just going to take some time.”
“I hate that you’re getting all twisted up by him again.”
“Thanks,” Lacy said, forcing a smile. “Me, too.”
“The problem is, we’re letting him get to us,” Kristi said, grabbing another cookie and taking a bite. “That gives him all the power. What we have to do is take it back.”
“You’ve been reading self-help books again.” Lacy shook her head.
A quick grin flashed over Kristi’s face. “Guilty. But you know, some of what they say makes sense. He can only bug us if we allow it. So we just have to stop allowing it.”
“What a great idea,” Lacy said, laughing, and God it felt good to laugh. “Got any ideas on how?”
Kristi shrugged. “Haven’t gotten to that chapter yet.”
“How does Tony maintain sanity around you?”
Tony DeLeon was smart, gorgeous and hopelessly in love with Kristi. For the past year or so, they’d been inseparable and Lacy really tried to be happy for her friend and not envious.
“He loves me.” Kristi sighed dreamily. “Who would have guessed that I’d fall for an accountant?”
“Good thing you did—he’s done a great job handling the inn’s books.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing,” Kristi mused. “And so not the issue here. The problem is Sam.”
Lacy’s problem had always been Sam. She’d known from the time she was fifteen that he was the one she wanted. Oh, Jack was what the newspapers had always called “the fun twin” and she supposed that was true. Sam was quieter. More intense. Jack had been larger than life. His laugh was loud and booming; his love for life had been huge.
And when he died, he’d taken pieces of everyone who loved him with him. The largest piece had come from Sam. Those had been dark, terrible days. Lacy had helplessly watched Sam sink into a pit of misery and grief. Even lying beside him in their bed here at the cabin, she’d felt him slipping away from her.
He’d gotten lost, somehow, in the pain and he hadn’t been able to find his way out.
But knowing that didn’t make what had happened between them any easier to bear.
“Kristi,” she said, “he’s your brother. You can’t stay mad at him forever.”
Unexpectedly Kristi’s eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back. “We all lost Jack and Sam didn’t seem to understand that. He hurt me. Hurt all of us. Are we just supposed to forgive and forget?”
“I don’t know,” Lacy said, though she knew that she would never forget that she’d been left behind. Shut out. Made to feel that she didn’t matter. She’d lived through that as a child and she’d trusted Sam when he promised he would never leave her—then he did, and that pain would never completely disappear.
“I don’t think I can,” Kristi admitted. She set her wineglass on the table and stood up. Then she walked to a window and stared out at the lamplight streaming from Sam’s cabin. “I want to,” she said, sending a short glance over her shoulder at Lacy. “I really do. And Tony keeps telling me that I’m only hurting myself by hanging on to all of this anger...”
Smiling, Lacy asked, “Gave him one of your books to read, did you?”
A soft, sad chuckle shot from Kristi’s throat. “Yeah, guess I’m going to have to stop that.” She turned her back on the window and shrugged. “It shouldn’t be this hard.”
No, it shouldn’t.
“You’ll just have to keep trying,” Lacy told her.
“What about you?” her friend asked quietly. “Are you going to try?”
“My situation’s different, Kristi. He’s your family.” Lacy stood up and cleared the coffee table of the cookies and wine. It had been a long day and clearly this girlfest was winding down into a pit of melancholy. She’d rather take a hot bath and go to bed. Straightening, she looked at the woman watching her. “He was my family, now he’s not. So it doesn’t really matter what I think of him.”
Kristi gave her a sad smile. “Of course it matters. You matter, Lacy. I don’t want him to hurt you again.”
Winking, Lacy deliberately brought up Kristi’s self-help advice. “He can only hurt me if I allow it. And trust me, I won’t.”