I shrug. “No risk, no reward.”
“So you love reminding me.” She swallows hard. “Don’t you want our child to grow up without a father?”
“Don’t you?”
The words leave my lips before I can stop myself, and Liya stares daggers at me in response. That look might make a weaker man, who doesn’t know her, wilt. But I can stand the heat. I can handle her judgment. Because I know her.
But what I can’t handle is another misstep.
“Stepan is organizing the brigadiers as we speak. Once that is handled, I’m going to keep calling anyone who stands alone. Doesn’t matter which borough or neighborhood. I’ll be in touch with some of Cardona’s partners, too.”
She looks shocked. “His partners? You think you can turn them?”
“I don’t need to turn them. You already did that with your plan.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Cardona’s hitting his own people. His paranoia is making him reckless. The rules and organization that we spent decades putting into place are all crumbling away. All because you scared him at his own wedding. So now, I’m just finishing what you started.”
“It’ll be bloody.”
I offer her a reassuring smile. It doesn’t last long. But it’s enough to make her visibly relax. At least a little bit. “Have you known it to be anything but?”
“No, I haven’t.” She closes her eyes. “I’m just tired of it, Pavel. I’m tired of the fighting.” She bows her head. “I’m tired of being the reason for it all.”
I dare to rest my hand on her shoulder again. Feeling her warm skin, her closeness, her liveliness drives me to speak. “You’ve done your part, Liya. You’ve done what was necessary. Now let me do mine. Please,rodnaya.”
She stands from the chair, my hand dropping from her shoulder. I had her for a few seconds. That should be enough. But it’s not.
I step back, regaining my professional demeanor. “We’re going to have to do things the hard way.”
“It’s all been hard, Pavel,” she snaps. “It’s nevernotbeen hard.”
I don’t agree with her, but she’s right. This war has raged on for too long, exhausting me to my bones. Deep within me lie the scars and losses from battles in the past. The more they pile up, the harder I become.
But none of what we’re doing now could have been possible without her. That’s why I need Liya to stick around. Yet, it’s not just because she can think in ways that I can’t. The real reason I want her to stay is because she’s the only person in the world who can soften my edges. She doesn’t just look at me. She looksthroughme—she sees my humanity in spite of my wickedness.
I can’t live without that.
But the more I stand without saying anything, the more she drifts away. She pulls on a nightgown and drifts toward the bed. The tea is left partially sipped, and the snacks are left untouched.
I gesture to the tray. “You skipped dinner.”
“I did.”
I stare at her for a minute, studying the lines newly embedded in her face. Did those appear between the vanity and the bed? Or am I finally seeing the weight that I’ve forced her to carry this entire time?
I pat my pocket. The ring is still there. Even if Liya isn’t.
I head for the door. “Don’t wait up.”
“Don’t worry,” she retorts. “I won’t.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Liya
Sleepiness weighs my eyelids as I drag myself from the bathroom. The sun has barely crept across the carpet, so why am I awake?