I’ve got a few texts from an unknown number.
After making sure the coast is clear, I open the texts.
“You’re right,” Berkowitz wrote. “Lots of dirt. Getting more support.”
An easy smile spreads over my lips.Good.
Something bangs downstairs. Russian curses follow shortly after. I retreat to the bedroom and lock my phone, setting a new four-digit password that Pavel won’t be able to guess. Once the phone is on the charger, I crawl back into bed, studying my cuticles as if I’m not trying to hide something.
But I’m trying to hidesomuch.
Everything is going according to plan. I’ve got someone who believes what I say—and wants to do something about it, too.
I roll to my side. My mind drifts back to the sunroom.
New Zealand. A new name. A new hair color. Hell, I’d probably go with a whole new wardrobe. I’m sure Berkowitz could easily forge all sorts of documents for me. I gave him a massive justice sundae with the cherry on top. A new identity would be a piece of cake for him.
It would be so easy to get out of the country.
I press my hand to my heart.
Would it be that easy?
I mean, I’m sure they do this kind of thing all the time. Berkowitz is familiar with making deals. He’s used to taking people into protective custody. That’s kind of the DA’s thing, isn’t it?
If this all works out, it could actually open the right door. And that door would let me leave this life—and Pavel—forever.
Freedom. Sweet freedom.
I touch my stomach.
Excitement tickles my gut. Even my baby seems thrilled by the prospect of being born without the chains of this criminal life. He deserves that—webothdeserve that.
And then a dark cloud rolls overhead. Something else pierces my excitement, an excruciating stab that radiates through my chest. It’s a thousand glass shards raining on my head. It’s a horrifying chill that sends my hand into the empty side of the bed. It’s one gulping breath too many.
I’m suffocating even though I’m gasping for air.
It’s fear.
Can I handle being without him?
Witness protection wouldn’t just take me away from Pavel. It would take me from Willow too. It would take me away from everything that I’ve ever worked for. That deferment to Weill Cornell? No longer a deferment. The moment Liya Bernadetti disappears into witness protection, she dies. All it would do is plop me into a new life with a newborn and nobody by my side.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I could go back to being a bartender, but then who would watch the baby? It would be a nightmare.
And yet, it would be sorelieving.
Not for me, of course. I’d have to look over my shoulder at all times. I’d have to trust no one for years—maybe even the rest of my life. But my baby would grow up a normal, regular person. No Cardona. No Citta Nostra. No stupid legacy to claim through an ocean of blood.
It’s a fair trade.
And it’s one that will determine the course of the rest of my life.
I flip to my right side and stare at the window. The sun brightens over the ocean, making the water twinkle like stars. The horizon blends into the background, joining the sea and sky. It all meshes together like one sparkling blue mess.
I wish I could forget about my feelings. I wish I could drop them like my old life. Then maybe I would gain the strength to walk away.
Lord knows I need that strength.