I don’t understand a damn word of it. But I catch the meaning easily by his affectionate tone. A new, savage feeling tears through me. He’s begging. He’s begging me to let him in where in the past he would’ve pressed me against the shower walls and used me to his heart’s content. And deep down, I want him to do that—to take control like that. But I refuse to let him. Instead, I continue jacking him off, closing my eyes as I feel his cock tensing in my hand. Turning away from his face as his cum splashes against my body.
I know I’m breaking his heart.
And I’m not stopping
***
Pavel sets a towel over my pillow. He watches me without watching me, settling on top of the comforter as I slide underneath. A pensive silence rests between us as I nestle under the sheets.
It’s our old routine again. We’re just basking in the afterglow without needing to say a word. It’s quiet. But it’s not comfortable. It feels demanding.
Like I’ve agreed to something without knowing what it is.
“Have you thought about names?”
The question takes me by surprise. “What?”
“For the baby.” He stands up to peel back the comforter. “For our son.”
“You think we’re having a boy?”
He climbs into bed and lies back without taking the comforter with him. His chest and abdomen are exposed. I’m in the middle of drooling when his voice breaks through the haze: “…don’t you think?”
I blink away my desire and shrug, turning onto my right side.
“Do you have any ideas?”
I sigh. “About what?”
“About names?”
“I haven’t given it too much thought.”
The sheets rustle. He rolls toward me. He drapes his arm over my waist. “Whatever we have, I know that he will be just like you.”
My eyelids flutter.
Why does he have to say things like that?
He threads his fingers through my hair. “Your hair, your smile.” He traces my shoulder. “Maybe your eyes.”
“No, your eyes,” I argue softly. “He’ll look like you.”
“So, you think he’s a boy?”
I don’t answer. Ican’tanswer.
Doesn’t he know how painful this is?
When he speaks again, I tune him out, pretending like I’ve fallen asleep. He talks himself into a sleepy state, inevitably yawning and then snoring as his arm weighs heavily on my side.
He’s out. Finally.
I can get a moment of peace.
It’s hard to sit still when all I want to do is pace. It’s hard to stay calm when every alarm in my brain is blaring. Just the thought of making any decision with Pavel about the baby, no matter how much I want it, makes me feel sick.
I can’t get enough of him. I shake his arm from my waist and scoot as far away from him as possible.But I have to stop. Before it destroys me.