It doesn’t matter how close I scoot toward her. It doesn’t matter how much she tolerates my arm draped over her waist or how I nestle my face into the back of her neck. She may be right in front of me, but she’s a million miles away.
And as sleep takes me, all I feel is the ache of the chasm in my chest.
Chapter Eight
Liya
Early morning commuters walk past us. A train horn cuts through the racket of conversation and shoes pounding cement. The wind that whips through the station next carries a few sheets of crumpled newspapers, napkins, and an empty ramen cup.
It’s an entirely different world out here.
I’ve got my hair tucked into a gray beanie, and I’m wearing a flannel shirt with torn jeans. I look like any college kid getting ready to hop on the train for a day of classes. Or like I’m just getting back from spending the night in town. Either way, I look normal as hell.
And so does Willow.
She’s wearing Kostya’s baseball cap backward with pigtails hanging on either side of her shoulders. She’s chewing a piece of gum while playing with one of the braids. The white T-shirt she’s got on looks way too big, and her shorts are way too short, but it’s so veryWillowthat it fools me into thinking that I’m back in college, following her back to her dorm room after getting into a fight with Jonas.
I smile. “You hated your suitemate,” I recall with a nostalgic grin.
Willow blinks and looks at me. She blows a bubble, pops it, and then goes, “What?”
“What was her name? Daisy?” I tap my knee rhythmically. “Or was it Lila? I remember it was a flower of some sort.”
“Oh yeah.” She shakes her head. “Daisy—she used to take those hour-long showers to cleanse herself of bad energy.”
“What a strange girl.”
“I hated sharing that bathroom with her.”
I nod. “She would shower in the morning when we were hungover, blasting that god-awful song…What was it?”
“Something about the Carolinas.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ve been trying to forget it for years. Butthanksfor getting it stuck in my head again.”
I smile sheepishly. “Sorry.”
She shrugs and takes my hand. “Don’t be. I like remembering those days. Especially now.”
I hang my head. “I don’t know if I like remembering them. It always makes me think about Jonas. And then I think about—” I swallow the words with a shudder. “It makes me think about everything else.”
“Girl, don’t beat yourself up too hard.”
“I’m not trying to.”
She scoots closer to me on the bench and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” She sighs. “I heard you and Pavel going at it last night.”
I flush with embarrassment. “Were we yelling?”
“A little bit. You two have also been acting really weird.”
“What do you mean?”
She huffs. “You know what I mean, Liya. You didn’t sit next to each other at the table yesterday. You didn’t even kiss and hug each other when he walked into the house. You just…”
I shrank into the bench. “Put up with each other?”