“You know I can’t do that.”
Her shoulders sag. “But why, Pavel? Why does it have to be this way?”
“Because I wasn’t raised to be any other way.”
“You can change,” she whispers. “You canalwayschange the path ahead by making different decisions right now.”
It’s getting impossible to control the subtle scrape that happens every time I swallow. The words I want to say tumble around in my mouth and taste like a rusty spoon.
“I can’t lose you,” I blurt. “I just…can’t, Liya. But I also can’t give up the way that I am.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. The wall shoots up between us like it never left.
Did it ever? Or had I merely deluded myself into believing we had any semblance of intimacy and compatibility?
“Then you can’t have me.” She shakes her head. “No matter how nice your apology is.”
“I know.” I turn away from her. “And I don’t blame you for choosing what’s best for you.”
“How can you be so understanding now?”
“Because I’m still holding out hope that you won’t actually leave.”
When I meet her gaze, I see a world of possibilities there, a host of emotions that used to dwell between us. Maybe some of it was love, and maybe some of it was just plain lust. But for a moment, the possibility of remaining together when this is all said and done flits across both our minds. A sparkling intensity echoes from her amber eyes, the glow reminding me of almond-flavored bourbon.
And then, it’s gone. The light dies from her eyes. She looks away. “I can stick with you long enough to see this through.”
I blink as if I’ve just woken up from a spell. “That’s all I ask.”
“After that, I’m taking the baby with me and leaving.”
I frown. “You’re taking our child?”
“Did you think I was just going to leave it with you?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to risk you turning our child into…” Her lips quiver as she hesitates. She blinks rapidly and tightens her arms over her chest. “I don’t want our child to be in this nasty business.”
“That’s not something we can prevent.”
She stands up. “Yes, itis! It’s one of the few things we have control over. Do you think it’s justified to toss our child into this world when it could have something better? Something different?”
I frown at the ground. “How else can the Bratva continue?”
“Is that all you ever think about? Your preciousBratva?”
“I’m the pakhan. I haveno choicebut to think about it, Liya!”
She audibly shudders. It’s a horrible sound that sinks deep into my bones. She’s in pain—and it’s all because of me.
I close my eyes. But I can’t stop myself from fulfilling my duties. The torch was passed to me. It’s my job to carry it until I’m unfit to lead. And then I have to pass it to the next in line.
To my child.
“Always the Bratva,” she whispers as she drops onto the couch. She doesn’t cross her arms this time. She just sits with her arms limp at her sides. Tired anddefeated. “You’ve never chosen me once, have you?”
“That’s not true.”
She frowns. “Name one time.”