But the car is empty. No Stepan. No Kostya. No Gennadiy, or any one of Pavel’s loyal brigadiers. I turn my focus on Pavel.
“Please.” I shake my head. “Please don’t do this.”
His eyes fall to my stomach and then widen. Whatever emotions he was trying to hide appear instantly—anxiety, curiosity, fear,affection.
God, how long have I been waiting to see that on his face? How many times did I dream of this moment? Secretly, I once wished for my baby to have a father. Maybe I even prayed once or twice for Pavel to change his mind.
A million memories return as quickly as they had been hidden away. Daydreams surface of him showing up. We deserve to live happily ever after, don’t we? After all the things we’ve seen and done, we deserve a shred of peace. A shred of normality.
My fingers dig into my stomach. Not hard enough to hurt. Just impressionable enough to get the point across to Pavel.
You’re not taking my baby.
His eyes flutter up to mine and I recoil, feeling the doorknob for the coat closet dig into my lower back. Those frosted green orbs are brighter than ever. That’s not the look of a man who wants to steal something from me. That’s the look of a man who has missed me terribly. His features are smooth, save for the stubble on his chin.
I love that look. It makes him appear so handsome, sohuman.
Oh God, those eyes. I can’t stop looking into them. My anxiety drifts into the background as something new takes hold, an old feeling that fueled all those daydreams. It’s weird to feel it when, logically, I know I’ve been caught.
This is the end. Yet all I can feel now is joy.
Joy for being found. Joy for the possibilities lying ahead. Joy for the fact that I can actuallyseePavel in front of me instead of searching the online newspapers for his picture.
I smile weakly. “You grew out your hair.”
It’s the only thing I can find the strength to say. I close my eyes. I just want my Instacart order and my drama shows. I just want to curl up and be normal for a while. But there’s no such thing as normal for girls like me, is there? Normal was never a choice.
Pavel gestures to my head. “Yours got long, too.”
I play with the strands of my hair curiously. “Do you like the color?”
“I’ve always liked your natural color.”
“I thought you wanted me to go blonde.”
He licks his lips and swallows hard, glancing away with glossy eyes.
Is that regret on his face?
He shakes his head. “Liya, I’m not here to take the baby.”
My heart drops into my stomach, and the fantasies return full force. Am I stupid to hope for the best? And what does that even mean? A long time ago, what was best was leaving. But now, I’m not so sure.
The voice of my best friend appears in my mind as if I’m hearing her speak right now.Can’t you see how Pavel can change?
“Then why are you here?” I ask.
Pavel runs his fingers through his hair. I almost forgot what a lovely shade of chestnut brown it is. A few strands appear like honey in the fading sunlight.
He steps forward. “I’m here to ask your forgiveness.”
I’m speechless.
This can’t be real life. I’m probably snoring on the couch with a bucket of ice cream tucked in my arm and a new cardigan in the other. My favorite drama shows are probably splashing across the television. Normal. Consistent. Predictable.
That’s how my life should be.
Not my criminal husband showing up at my door to ask for my forgiveness.