But if she answers…
My hand trembles. I don’t think I’ve ever felt fear like this before. Not when bullets were cracking over my head. Not when I stared death in the eyes. But now, one simple phone call and I can’t bring myself to do it.
Why?
The answer immediately springs to mind.Because it would make it real.
Sighing, I return the phone to the safe with the cardigan and grab the documents. The families are waiting for me at my office downtown. Now that things have returned to an acceptable level of calm across the city, I can return to my penthouse.
I can return to the place where we made our child together.
I reach into my pocket and wrap my fingers around Liya’s wedding band. The familiar weight—both so light and yet inexorably heavy—sends another surge of emotion through me.
Don’t. I walk purposefully into the foyer and call for Stepan.Focus.
My eyes flit to the second-floor landing and I slowly climb up the stairs, my limbs seemingly moving of their own accord until I reach the attic before I can stop myself.
The crib sits near the window. Light illuminates the soft white cushions and the tiny fox plushies Karina picked up the other day when I asked her to buy them. The slight grin on their faces looks like they’re mocking me.
I turn around, heart lurching as I walk out and lock the door.
There will be another time. But not now.
In the main area, Stepan waits for me. He bows his head. “Are you ready, Pavel Sergeyevich?”
“Yes, have they been waiting long?”
“Nothing a few glasses of good whiskey can’t smooth over.”
“In that case,” I gesture to the door. “Let’s get this over with.”
The meeting will be starting soon. By the time Stepan and I get to the office, everything will change. There’s a future to build in the criminal world that very much needs the touch of a Suvorov. The valuable lessons my father gave me can be applied to the new order of the city. And this order will outlive me.
But it will never pass on to my child.
Life teems outside the glass doors of the lobby when we pull up. City traffic passes noisily as pedestrians crowd the sidewalks on their way to their destinations. It’s just another business building in the middle of New York. Nothing spectacular about this place other than the fact that it harbors one of the most powerful Bratvas in the city—and the ruthless pakhan who leads it.
I push open the door to the room and look into the eyes of the men gathered here. Each one looks at me with a mixture of adoration, fear, and respect.
“Good morning, gentlemen.” I take my seat at the head of the table. “We have quite the matter to discuss today.”
A lifetime ago, this would’ve made me feel invincible. Untouchable.
But now? All I feel is an emptiness.
Chapter Thirty
Liya
The ride from Conifer to Cheyenne takes the better part of an entire day. And the entire time, I miss Pavel. Especially when night comes and I’m trapped with my own thoughts, memories, and regrets. As I stare up at that night sky, all I can think of is that he might be staring at the same stars with me.
I know I made a mistake.
Among the stars, I search in vain for twin green pools staring back at me. If I try hard enough, I can almost smell his familiar comfortable musk, practically hear his laugh, and almost believe that if I open my eyes, he’ll be right there behind me—dressed in a handsome suit, with a lopsided grin on his face, and his nickname dripping from his lips.
Rodnaya Lisichka,I can hear him say.My clever fox.
I’ll never hear him call me that again. I close my eyes and remember the moment he walked into Blaczak’s Horseman. Of Willow spilling her drink on him in purpose. The way his voice commands me. It feels like a lifetime ago.