“I understand,” I say, trying my hardest to muster up a slight smile. I want my expression to be light for what is potentially the last time I’ll ever see her. But instead, it takes all of my effort not to have a massive breakdown in front of her.
Then I blanch, and for a terrifying moment, all I want is to beg her to stay. Because suddenly, the weight of my decision becomes real. Once she walks out that door, I’ll be alone. Truly alone. Just me, myself, and I.
And the baby that Pavel and I made together.
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” I whisper. “Seriously, I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Liya, I would never leave you in the dust.”
I look into her eyes, feeling a medley of emotions billowing from the depths of my soul. I can’t hide them anymore. “I know.”
“And you would do the same.” She takes my hands. “That’s why you sent Pavel after me, even though you were fighting with him.”
I nod as tears threaten to fall from my eyes again. So much for holding it together. “The only person who could get you out of there was Pavel.”
“See?” She looks away as she pauses. “You trusted him to rescue me when he had no reason to, other than the fact that I’m important to you.” And then she looks into my eyes. “But you don’t trust him to change for you?”
I don’t have the strength to argue anymore. I’ve been working with what I’ve been given. And what I’ve been given isn’t exactly fantastic.
That’s why this is so important to me. I’m creating a new life, one where I get to choose what happens next. Not a husband obsessed with his Bratva and claiming power over the rest of the criminals of New York City.
I think back to our first night together, when a new, more confident Liya shut the door to be with a handsome stranger. Stupid girl. That wasn’t a new Liya; that was the same Liya who took a chance.
The real new Liya is the one who has survived. The one who isn’t even named Liya Bernadetti anymore.
I don’t have any strength left to fight. All I can do is hug Willow. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too, Liya. Look, I’m going to go to town, hit up an ATM, and give you some money.”
“Willow!”
She holds up her hand. “Look, it’s not going to be safe. You and I both know this. You can either be stubborn and prideful about not taking this help, or you can drop your ego and accept that I’m trying to help.”
She’s right. She’s been saying this since the day she met me. I’m being stubborn because of my pride. Because I think I need to shoulder everything on my own.Just like Pavel.The unbidden thought rises up.
Stop it.I take a breath, look Willow in the eyes, and nod.
“Okay, I’m going to go to town and get you money. Enough to put you up somewhere far away and a…” She shakes her head, tears in her eyes.
I sniffle and touch her shoulder to let her know she doesn’t need to say it out loud. She doesn’t need to make it real for herself. “Thank you, Willow.”
Her lip trembles. “You keep yourself safe, girl. Okay? You fucking keep yourself safe.”
“I will. I promise.”
“You better.” And then she throws herself into my arms.
I hold her for a few minutes longer, desperately clinging to a past that threatens to fade away like morning mist. When she steps back, her eyes are red and her mascara is running. But she doesn’t seem to care. She’s just looking at me like I’m about to die.
Which might be partially true. The moment she walks away, Liya Bernadetti will be dead. And in her place, a new woman—Susan Flowers, or whatever other name I choose for myself—will come into existence.
***
I lean against the door, rubbing circles around my belly. Willow leaves behind an envelope with a couple thousand dollars, and a Greyhound ticket to Cheyenne, Wyoming. But she tells me I should stop somewhere else along the route, preferably in a small town that nobody has heard of.
Her car gets smaller and smaller until it disappears entirely. For a moment, I hope she’ll turn back. But she doesn’t.
I peer down at my stomach. “It’s just you and me now, sweetie.”