I just wanted to grab Catarina and disappear.
I wanted to make sure she was safe from everything and everyone.
I didn’t want her to worry about anything. I wanted to give her the peace she was denied.
“Player?”
I said nothing as I slowly got up from the chair. Looking at the men in the room who stood saying nothing, I walked to the door when I heard Reaper say, “We will find her children, Player. All of them.”
I just couldn’t. I needed some air. It was bad enough that she gave birth to my son, but she carried and birthed another man's child. I didn’t blame her. I couldn’t. I knew she would never do such a thing willingly. It was just she now had a reminder of some fucking bastard who took what didn’t belong to them.
I didn’t know how to help her. With our son, it was easy, but this. Another man’s child? How can I put my own anger aside to help her through this? Would I ever be able to look at the child? Love the child? I wasn’t like Catarina. She loved unconditionally. I loved her. I loved my son. I didn’t know if I could love this child.
“Come with me,” Viper said as he walked past me.
Following him, we walked into the kitchen, where Vicious grabbed a few beers, and we headed out the back door. The sun was shining brightly as we walked past the shed towards the tree line where several of us had left chairs there for when we wanted to relax and chill.
Vicious said nothing as he took a seat. Sitting too, he handed me a beer as we both silently drank in the peaceful quiet of the North California sun.
I was halfway done with my beer when I watched Vicious reach into his back pocket and remove his wallet. After thumbing through it, he pulled out a small picture and handed it to me.
It was of a young girl. She couldn’t have been more than eight or nine. With dark chocolate hair and eyes the color of the sky, she smiled beautifully, showing off a missing tooth. Honestly, she was a cute kid, but looked nothing like Vicious.
Thank God for that too.
“That’s my daughter Savannah.”
“What?” I said, shocked. I didn’t even know Vicious had a kid. He was in his late forties. I never knew he had a woman. Where were they? Where was his woman? He never left the clubhouse. He spent nights wrapped around club whores, or the girls at the club. He never let on. Not once. “I don’t understand,” I said, handing him back his picture.
Taking it, he looked at it lovingly. His dirty, grungy finger tenderly caressed the small photo. “Tina, her mother was a whore. She knew it too. She was honest with herself, and she believed in calling everything by what it was. That was one of the things I liked about her. We used to hook up when I was in town, and on occasion, I would take her to a movie or dinner. Nothing special. Just to have something kind of normal-like. Neither of us had that, and she was fun to be around.
“Anyway, she was working the streets one night when she got into a car with a client. She didn’t know that night was going to change her life forever. I was contacted a few days later that she was in intensive care. I didn’t even know that I was her emergency contact. When I showed up and saw her, I promised I would find the fucker who did that to her. He beat her within an inch of her life and raped her repeatedly. It wasn’t till later that she learned she was pregnant.
“She wanted to get an abortion, but when she showed up for the appointment, she couldn’t go through with it. So, I found her an apartment in a different town and ensured she had everything she needed to get on her feet. I would send money every month to make sure she had everything she needed. You know the basic shit.
“I was coming back from a run when I got word that Tina had complications during childbirth and died and that my daughter was alive. She had named me the father on the birth certificate even though I wasn’t any blood relation. I was a nomad. What the fuck was I going to do with a fucking baby. I hired an investigator to see if Tina had any relatives that would want her kid, but there was no one. I actually looked into adoption agencies for a short time until Savannah got sick. She had a small hole in her heart and needed surgery. I don’t know what possessed me, but I never left that little girl’s side, and when she was ready to go home, I knew she was mine. I guess what I am saying is that just because my daughter and I have no genetic material between us doesn’t make her not mine.
“I claimed her, Player. How she came to be mine doesn’t matter. That’s my baby girl. I would die for her. I’ve done everything in my power to make sure that little girl has everything she could ever want in her life. She goes to a good school, has lots of friends. God, she is so smart. She even made the school's soccer team. Though I don’t see her often, I love that girl, and nobody is going to take her away from me.”
“Where is she?” I asked, enthralled by what Vicious was telling me. He was one of the most complex members of the club, and he killed without a second thought. His whole life revolved around the club, and he never once hinted that he had someone on the outside. Yet listening to him tell me about his daughter, I saw the depth of love he had for Savannah.
“She attends a boarding school in Virginia. A friend of mine is the school director. She keeps an eye on her and gives me weekly updates with pictures and such.”
“Damn, Vicious,” I muttered, hanging my head. I really didn’t know what to say. What could I say to him?
“Look, Player, I didn’t tell you this so you could feel sorry for me. I told you this because there’s a chance your woman will have two children to look after. One is biologically yours. The other is not. That baby didn’t ask to be born. None of them do. What they need is someone who will love them unconditionally regardless of how they came into this world. Look past the how and see the innocent life. A life that will need you in more ways than one. If you can get past the how a world you never knew existed will embrace you. Savannah may not be my flesh and blood, but I chose her. It was the best decision I ever made in my fucked-up life.” Vicious said, then quietly got up and walked away, leaving me to ponder everything he said.
It was a lot to take in. A lot to think about.
Could I love and care for another man’s child?
I would like to think I could. Especially if the child’s mother was Catarina. That child would be half of her. All the good that was my woman would be in the baby. How could I not love that?
Raking my hands through my hair, I leaned my head back and looked at the blue sky above me, and whispered, “What a fucking mess.”
Getting to my feet, I walked back into the clubhouse and headed for the basement. I needed to see Catarina. I walked downstairs to find my brothers, Ink, Chisel, Judge, and the prospect Jake playing cards.
“Hey Player,” Chisel smiled and added, “Want us to deal you in?”