"I have to, Isaac. It’s high time. Every time I’ve tried to talk to you in the past, you’ve changed the topic or been too bored to discuss it, but this time I’m going to say my piece."
He heaves a long-suffering sigh, but doesn’t stop me.
"We drifted into this relationship. Initially, I let it happen because I was alone, and while I wasn’t completely comfortable with it, I also knew you hadn’t had the same feelings for Ben that he’d had for you. But I have to admit, I felt guilty because I knew that if he’d been alive, he’d have been pissed at us."
"And he’d have come around to it, too."
"Ben?" I laugh. "You know he’d have held a grudge for a long time. He’d have never forgiven us if we’d gotten together, Isaac."
"I’d have convinced him. We’d have convinced him, Lena."
"Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to convince him."
"What are you talking about?" He drags his fingers through his hair. Some of the strands flop onto his forehead, and he seems even younger than he normally appears. Or maybe, it’s just me. Maybe I’m already so spoiled by JJ’s mature countenance that everyone else looks immature in comparison.
"You know what I’m trying to say, Isaac."
"No, I do not."
It’s my turn to flop onto my back. "If Ben had been alive, we’d have never gotten together. I wouldn’t have felt so responsible for you, and we’d never have ended up living under your father’s roof."
"But heisn’talive. And wedidget together, and now we’re here."
"Living under your father’s roof," I point out.
"Why do you keep bringing that up? You were the one who wanted us to go to him for help."
"Only because I didn’t want to end up homeless."
"That would never have happened."
"No, it wouldn’t, because I’d have inevitably found a way to pay our rent."
"I knew it." He slaps his hand on the mattress. "You’ve come back to the same point in a roundabout way. You want to guilt trip me, yet again, for not taking my responsibilities seriously. For not paying my half of the rent. For not pulling my weight when it came to the bills."
"That’s right." I jackknife up and spring out of bed. "And you don’t have to make it sound like it was wrong of me to expect that."
"I’m not saying that. It’s just that I needed time to get my shit together," he protests.
"And, in the meanwhile, you let me shoulder our problems."
"As you constantly remind me. You’re beginning to sound like a broken record," he snaps.
"And you’re sounding like the spoiled brat that you are."
He pales. "That’s not fair, Lena, and you know it."
I deflate a little. "You’re right, it’s not. I hate it when we fight like this."
"So, let’s not fight."
"It’s unavoidable when whatever little feelings we had for each other are no longer existent."
He stares at me. "What’re you trying to tell me?"
“I want to break up with you.”
“Excuse me?” His gaze widens. “Why... why would you say such a thing?”