Thoughts like these raced through my head as I sat on my parents’ porch, looking out into the lake, which lazily reflected the orange glow of the sunset. I was in a state of contemplation that bordered almost on meditative, when I heard a car pull into the driveway, followed by the sound of footsteps; at first big ones, then littler ones.
“Mommy!” shouted Sophie, running past her grandfather and jumping into my lap.
“Hi, sweetheart.” I pulled her close to me and took a deep breath. Anytime Sophie was in my arms, I forgot all my anxieties. It felt as if it were Sophie and me against the world, and we’d be alright, regardless of what the world threw at us.
I heard a crinkle, then noticed her little hands were clenching a small piece of paper. “What’ve you got there, Sophie?”
She looked up at me. “Huh?” Then, bringing her hands, and the paper, toward her face. “Oh, yeah! Miss Lisa said to give this to you!” And she handed it to me.
It was a small piece of paper, about half the size of a standard letter, and on it scribbled in red ink, was the following:
Dear Miss Beckett,
I hope you are well. I recently noticed you’re a couple of months behind on the daycare fees. It’s no problem— people forget all the time— but as the end of the season is coming up, we’ll need to collect the outstanding balance ($500) in full.
Sophie is a sweet girl, and the kids love her, but if you’re unable to make this payment, I’m afraid we’ll have no choice but to discontinue services. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to quickly resolving this issue.
Sincerely,
Miss Lisa
For a moment, I was too stunned to speak. I had been struggling to make the payments in light of quitting my job at the hospital, but I had assumed they would make an exception, that they would allow for a payment plan of some sort or provide her with a scholarship. It was the only daycare in town, and surely the teachers knew of Sophie’s situation, that her mother was working multiple jobs to stay afloat, that there was no father in the picture. It seemed everyone knew my business nowadays, but always to my detriment. People were too busy judging me for my struggles to consider that maybe all I really needed was a little bit of sympathy, or a helping hand.
But this wasn’t about others; this was about me and Sophie. And just then, I didn’t have the money to pay her daycare fees. I felt a deep shame, like I had failed her; it was as if nothing I did would ever be enough, and I would never be the mother she needed me to be. I couldn’t ask my parents, or, rather, I wouldn’t, because it wasn’t their problem. Even though they loved Sophie now, this hadn’t always been the case; in fact, they’d been rather judgmental throughout my pregnancy, asking me at various points if I really wanted to do this, if I truly felt ready to take on the responsibilities of a single mother. At one point, early on in the pregnancy, my father had even offered to take me to a women’s health clinic, to “do what was best” for me and my then-unborn child. I know he meant well, and I didn’t resent him anymore, but in that moment, I had decided I would do everything I could to support Sophie on my own. I had brought her into this world, and it was my responsibility to help her navigate it. My parents were pillars of support, now and even throughout the pregnancy, and they loved her dearly, but it was not their battle.
And so, as soon as Sophie hopped off my lap and ran inside the house to play with her grandparents, I pulled out my cell phone and called Tala.
It rang a few times before she picked up. “Hey, Natalie, how’ve you been?” she asked, sounding genuinely excited, which caused a pit in my stomach. We had talked only a handful of times since her wedding, and now I was calling her with the main intention of asking her for money.
“Hey… I’m not gonna lie, it’s been rough around here.”
“Oh no…” I heard Tala’s tone shift. “I’m sorry, Nat. Tell me what’s been going on.”
And so I did. I told her about Lucas and his reappearance in my life; about the rumors and having to quit my job at the hospital; about Daniel making a guest appearance, with the idea that he was Sophie’s biological father; and finally, about Sophie and the note her daycare had sent her home with.
“Nat… that’s a lot to deal with. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through it. Really, I am.” Then, after a brief silence, she asked, “Is there any way I can help?”
I sighed, despite myself.No thank you, I’ll figure it out on my own like I always do, I wanted to tell her but couldn’t, because in that moment I hadn’t been able to figure it out on my own, and I needed help. “I hate to ask…”
“Natalie, come on. You’ve been there for me more times than I can count. Remember my 21stbirthday? When the bouncer caught me—”
“I remember!” I interjected so abruptly that we both laughed. It felt nice, and I was suddenly reminded of why I was asking her and not Lucas. They both had the means, but I didn’t feel so helpless asking Tala. We were on a more level playing field, and things had always been relatively equitable between us. I scratched her back, and she scratched mine.
“Natalie,” Tala continued, after we’d finished laughing it out. “Tell me how much you need.”
I hesitated. “Well, I owe Sophie’s daycare $500, but I couldn’t—”
“Done,” she said, not even letting me qualify my statement. “I’ll send you $600—$500 for the daycare, and $100 for you. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. You’ve been through a lot.”
“Tala,” I said, my voice shaking, the tears already making their way down my cheeks. “Thank you. So much. And I swear, I’ll pay you back every penny as soon as I can.”
“Take your time, Nat… I get it. Jordan and I have our hands full with the kids. I mean, they take what we give them, but it’s never enough!”
I wiped my tears, relieved to have gotten through the hard part. “Oh gosh, your kids! How old are they now?”
Tala and I continued chatting about her kids, who were two and four, both boys, and, she insisted, a handful, when I saw a familiar truck pull into the driveway, parking awkwardly behind my dad’s car.
“Tala, I’m gonna have to call you back…” I started, but on realizing that the truck was Daniel’s, and that Daniel was now walking straight toward me, I felt a surge of emotion. I hung up the phone without another word, suddenly furious, and immediately stood up.