I had to think about that and was about to reply when Robin asked, "are you guys talking about Daddy?"
His sad face and question broke my heart all over again.
"We are, sweetheart," I told him.
I didn't know what to say. Luckily, Sage stepped in and saved the day.
"Grandpa's already in bed, so the living room and television are all yours. In about an hour, we'll order a pizza – unless you ate too much ice cream," Sage said teasingly, tweaking Robin's pert nose.
"I could never eat that much ice cream," Robin said solemnly. "There will always be room for pizza."
Robin's love for his father made me wonder if I was doing the right thing. Was it right for me to stay in a place where I would be miserable – living with the man I was in love with but completely out of my league?
However, Robin and Michael loved each other and thoroughly enjoyed being together. Co-parenting was a great idea in theory, but there would be weekends – and sometimes even longer periods – I would have to be without Robin.
I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down with my head in my hands. I had no idea what to do.
Sage must have had some idea about what I thought because she gently placed a hand on my back. "You have time. You don't have to make any decisions tonight. Just wait until you are less emotional. Making decisions when you are emotional means you aren't thinking clearly."
She was right. I tried to enjoy my evening with Robin and Sage, but it was nearly impossible for me to get any sleep. I kept tossing and turning and couldn't get comfortable. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Michael while we were making love or while he and Robin were having fun.
Although I did my best to set my thoughts aside, my worries and frustrations about our relationship and how it affected Robin followed me to work the next day. It was nearly impossible for me to concentrate on the task at hand.
Apparently, I didn't hide my stress very well. After working on the project for about an hour, I continued to stare at the same stack of menus for fifteen minutes.
Jordan nudged my arm. "Jade, what is going on?"
I hesitated about confiding in him. I wasn't sure I should, especially since I knew he still had feelings for me.
"Whatever it is, I promise I'm here to help," he said. "I have a great shoulder and double as a sounding board."
"I'm just trying to figure out my relationship with Michael," I said, finally. "I love him, and he's a great father, but we come from two different worlds. I'm unsure if any love could survive the difference. I'm afraid that Michael or his family would eventually start to resent me so much that it would put a wedge between us that just couldn't be overcome."
"How does Michael feel about it?" Jordan asked.
"He doesn't understand how I feel. He probably thinks I'm overreacting about the entire issue," I confessed. "Sage and Tammie think that I am, as well. They tell me that Michael is taking care of me the best way he knows and that I'm being stubborn and too prideful."
Jordan tilted his head as though he was thinking about the situation.
"Well, he is likely doing the best that he knows how to do. He might not know how to show his feelings toward you. But on the other hand, if you aren't comfortable and happy with the relationship, it doesn't work, regardless of how Michael feels, thinks, or does."
I smiled at Jordan and nodded.
"I love him and want our relationship to work, not just for my sake but also for Robin's. I know a woman should never enter into a relationship thinking she can reform a man. It just doesn't work that way. But maybe I can get him to understand how I feel," I said, more to myself than Jordan.
"Do you think that you can?" Jordan asked skeptically. "And in all fairness, do you think you would be able to change your way of thinking to fit into his world?"
I had to admit that he had a point.
Jordan squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He opened his mouth as though he had started to say something but closed it again.
Finally, he worked up the courage to speak what was on his mind because he turned to me with a determined look in his eyes. "We are in the same world. We have the same interests. You know, I love you, and I love Robin. I know you have feelings for Michael, but I swear we can make it work," Jordan informed me.
Before I could even react, Jordan leaned over and brushed his lips against mine.
I leaped up from my seat, knocking it over.
"Jordan, what the hell are you doing?" I demanded.