Jade bit her lower lip nervously as her eyes filled with unshed tears.
"Are the blue eyes just a coincidence, Jade? Is the age just a coincidence too?"
She didn't reply, but something in her eyes made me believe that I was hitting the nail on the head. Maybe I just needed to hit it a little harder now.
I narrowed my eyes and lowered my voice a little. "This would go much faster if you just told me the truth, Jade. Because I will not stop until I know it all." I leaned in, so my lips were an inch from her ear. "And I mean everything."
She burst into tears, and I smiled, knowing we were finally getting somewhere.
13
Jade
The dam finally broke, and the tears flowed freely, making me feel defeated and relieved simultaneously. It felt like I had been holding it in for so long and finally reached my breaking point. I didn't want to lie; that had never been my intention. And being here now reminded me of how much I had wanted to find Michael initially.
"I found out that I was pregnant almost two months after you were gone," I started, pausing to catch my breath.
I was an absolute mess of tears and a runny nose, and my hands weren't doing a good job of wiping my face. I heard Michael sigh as he took out a handkerchief and gave it to me. If this were a happy reunion, I would have made a joke about him carrying a handkerchief like an old gentleman, but I was grateful for it and used it to wipe my cheeks and nose. My hand was now shaking uncontrollably, and for a second, I felt faint.
I felt Michael's hands on my arms as he gently led me to the couch, and I sat down again. It took me a few minutes to calm down and feel like myself again; by that time, the tears were back again. Thinking of the past was exceedingly difficult, and every memory brought tears to my eyes, whether it was a happy or sad one.
"I was so scared of doing it alone, but I got more scared of not getting to do it all. I guess one fear overrode the other, and when I finally held him in my arms, it was all worth it.
"I was so young and had no idea what I was doing," I continued.
I remembered everything from the night that I had given birth to Robin. I had been so terrified. Not only about being a mother but also about the process of becoming a mother. Making a baby was easy, but having one was a different game. I had been in pain for what felt like days, and I had never wanted my mother more than I did at that moment.
I had been terrified again the day I left the hospital. Knowing that I would be caring for this fragile little human that looked like it would break any second. Despite my parenting classes, nothing could have prepared me for taking care of the baby. It was a whole new experience for me; every week the baby got a little bigger was a relief. I had been anxious about every little thing, which was amplified by wishing Michael had been there.
All those memories poured out of me through my tears until Michael hesitantly put his hand on my back and started running slow circles across it. The simple act made me cry even harder, having been starved of his presence for all these years. I had wanted him to be there for all of it, to comfort me as he was doing now.
I tensed when he pulled me into his arms, only relaxing when his warmth started enveloping me. He still smelled so good, and I settled in his embrace like a helpless child. I let him hold me and offer me his strength, all our problems temporarily set aside.
"I'm so sorry," I said after my tears had finally stopped.
He let me go and looked at me for a few seconds, his face impossible to read.
"I'm sorry," I repeated in a whisper, placing my hand on his chest.
I hoped that he understood my sincerity and that we could stop fighting. We had hurt each other somehow, and it had been because of circumstances out of our control. I couldn't even begin to regret those circumstances because they had given me the most beautiful gift in my son. The only thing I regretted was that Michael and I hadn't had more time together, and we hadn't had a chance to see how things could have turned out.
Another tear ran down my cheek as I thought of what could have been. It was no use dwelling on what ifs, but I couldn't help it. His hand came to my cheek wiped, and I closed my eyes involuntarily, absorbing his touch. His hands were still just as soft as I remembered them.
"Look at me," he whispered, and I did as he asked.
I held my breath as he leaned in, his lips finding mine. Kissing Michael again was like coming home after a long trip and just throwing yourself on the bed. It felt so good and right, and my racing heart seemed to agree. His kiss was slow and gentle like we had all the time in the world to enjoy this moment.
I clutched his shirt and held on. He tasted like whiskey, something matured and no doubt expensive. I was so drawn to him, and it seemed inevitable that I would always react to him this way. My body responded to Michael as if it had been designed just for him as if only he could tune it to a certain frequency which caused me to vibrate so desperately with need. No man had ever managed to make me feel so weak with just a kiss. If I weren't feeling so damn good, I would have taken a second to feel alarmed that we were doing this. We were supposed to be talking, and there was still so much more that had to be said. Both of us needed to heal, which was the last thing I expected when I arrived.
Michael's hand found its way to my hair, and I remembered how much he had loved seeing it down the last time. It seemed nothing had changed because he drew away and just looked at me as my hair fell about my shoulders. His eyes were dark, and I wondered what secrets they held. He leaned in and captured my mouth again, swallowing my moan. There was no time for thoughts right now, only action.
I opened my eyes when he stopped kissing me, only to close them again when he moved to my neck. I moaned, and the sound finally put some fire under him because he increased his pace and started kissing me like we were running out of time.
His hand found my breast, and he squeezed as he kissed my neck. Nothing about it was gentle, but I enjoyed every second of it. My body was yearning for him, and it seemed he was as desperate as I was. He pulled away to yank off my sweater, his eyes darkening when he realized I was only wearing a sports bra. My arousal was evident, and he raised his finger to tease the erect little bud pressed against the material. I moaned again, and he quickly took off the bra, teasing me with his fingers without any barrier now.
Next to go were my jeans and underwear, and I was fully naked before him. My body had changed over the years, but he looked at me with the same hunger he had all those years ago. He took his jeans off and removed a small blue packet from his wallet. I guess he didn't want to repeat old mistakes, which was just a bonus because I had been on the pill for years.
I took a second to admire Michael's body, which was so different from the last time I had seen him. He had been lean and in excellent shape, but it was even better now. His body looked like he had spent hours in the gym perfecting it. I had noticed the change when we had first met in town, but my imagination hadn't done him any justice. It wasn't fair that those arms and that chiseled abdomen had to be hidden away in a suit all day.