"You don't get to stand there and talk about me as if you know anything about my life! It's been years, Michael, and I don't owe you any explanation about my life."
With that, she took her child's hand and quickly walked away. I stood there for a few seconds, wondering what had just happened. She was in the wrong here and had just turned it on me as if I were the one with a secret life I hadn't thought to mention before we slept together. I hated that I was even affected by this, but I was. Something about Jade got under my skin, and if I thought that seeing her again would give me any closure, I was terribly mistaken. I regretted that I had shown her that she still affected me, even after all this time. And the worst part was that she had been the one to leave again.
I turned around and walked back to the restaurant, where I found Daisy still waiting for me, an almost empty bottle of water in her hand.
"All done?" she asked.
I was nowhere near done with Jade, but she had just walked out of my life again without any way for me to get in touch with her. And what did it matter anyway? Even if we got in touch, there was nothing left to say. We'd shared an amazing night; she had lied, I had been disappointed, and I now had to move on. There wasn't much I couldn't control in life, but the list had just become a little longer. My mother often joked that I was a bit controlling, and I enjoyed having things my way. But I couldn't do anything about this situation and had to be okay with it.
Guess I had finally met my match.
We left the restaurant, and I went straight to the hotel gym, eager to work out the tension I was feeling. The last time Jade had left me feeling this way, I had tried to leave my anger at the bottom of a bottle. I knew now that didn’t help, so I was opting for something more productive this time. I was going to run on the treadmill and take a few laps in the pool, and then I would put the rest of my energy into the one thing that had never failed me – my work.
I was finally going to put Jade out of my mind once and for all since she had made it clear that it had been years. She didn’t care what I thought or how I felt, so I wasn’t going to waste a single thought on her. And since anger was a feeling, I had to let go of that too.
The only problem with forgetting and letting go was that it was easier said than done because if it were easy, then I would have forgotten Jade by now.
9
Jade
I held it together pretty well until I got home, and then it finally hit me. I had just seen the father of my child after several years, something I had never thought would happen again. How did a normal, boring shopping day turn out to be so eventful? It went from zero to a hundred, too fast for me to catch my breath. Robin ran to his room as soon as we arrived, excited to finally be home after a long day. It gave me a little time to process everything and not just fall apart in front of him.
I wentinto the bathroom and splashed some water onto my face, telling myself I wouldn't cry. It would not solve anything or help me in any way, no matter how much I wanted to cry. I wondered what I had done to piss the universe off because I certainly didn't deserve this. I was by no means perfect, but I always strived to be the best version of myself and lead by example for my son. Now my life was being turned upside down again, just when I thought I was getting the hang of it.
I tookmy phone from my pocket and sent a text to Tammie, asking her to call me as soon as possible. I needed her positive outlook right now, and it sucked that she was far away for a magazine shoot at the moment.
I wentto the kitchen and started on dinner, not feeling but still needing to feed my son. My phone vibrated, and I quickly checked the incoming text, expecting a reply from Tammie. I sighed when I saw the text from my sister instead, asking if I could help her with tuition.
I'd just had to spend the last of my paycheck getting Robin some new shoes and stuff he needed for school. Having a highly intelligent child was both a blessing and an expense since he had all these extracurricular items he needed. Since he had skipped a grade, I had to get him some new books and gym clothes that he hadn't required in his previous class. I had a little bit saved in the event of any emergency, and if I gave that to Sage, then it would leave Robin and me without any cushion.
'I'll letyou know next week. Right now, I'm in a very tight spot.' I texted back.
I would haveto look for more online data entry work to get a bit more money; it was the only way to help my sister. It meant many sleepless nights doing the extra work, but I was all my sister had since our father lost it after losing our mother. I understood his pain; we had all felt the agony of losing mom. But while it should have made us come together as a family and help each other deal, my father had shut himself completely and befriended the bottle. Now, years later, I was still parenting my younger sister. I'd even had to sacrifice the money I had been saving to start my own business so that we wouldn't lose our family home, but even that hadn't made my father sober.
I putmy phone down and quickly made food for Robin, knowing I would have to ask him to wait until the next day to make ice cream. I wasn't feeling like it anymore, and all I wanted to do right now was crawl under the covers. I hated that Michael made me feel this way, and I wished I could pretend I hadn't seen him. But the truth was that even when he had been a jerk to me, I still wanted him. I had still hoped he would take me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay now that he was back. I hated that I had felt that way.
Tammie finally calledwhile Robin was eating, and I went to my room for some privacy. I knew Robin would use the opportunity to throw away his vegetables, but he could get away with it for just tonight.
"Hey,got your text. What's up?"
I tooka deep breath and wondered how exactly to say what I was about to say. Tammie had been a godsend to Robin and me, always being there when we needed her. She had learned to change diapers, fix bottles and sing lullabies, proving every time that she was the best godmother a child could ever wish for. When things had been tough, Tammie had always come through with supplies of baby formula and other things that Robin needed. She had been there every step and knew how hard it had been for me to do it alone. It was only right that I tell her what I was about to tell her now, and there was no better way to do it than to go for it.
"I saw Michael today,"I said, then took a deep breath.
Tammie was quiet for a second,no doubt processing what I had just said. There was only one Michael I had ever spoken about, so she knew who I meant.
"Michael? As in –"
"Yes, that Michael," I replied, involuntarily looking at the door.
Robin was in the kitchen and wouldn't even know what we were talking about, but still, I was a nervous wreck. I had never been more grateful for the two-bedroom apartment. Sure, the walls needed work, the sink was crooked, and the shower didn't work properly, but I could afford the rent, and my son had his room, which had been the two things I wanted most. And now the large space was coming in handy.
"Where? And did he see you? Are you okay?"
The questions came so quickly that I doubted she had even managed to breathe between words, but I understood how she felt. The man's absence had been a silent part of our lives for years, and now he had suddenly reappeared. There was just no delicate way to process that.
"Tony's. I was outside with Robin, and he just came up to me."