The two of us hold on tight. Part of me never wanting him to let me go and the other half wishing he’d walk back out the door and never look back.
I wish I could deny him.
I wish I were stronger than this, but when he stares at me with his big eyes, I crumble.
“Fuck,” he croaks, sounding on the verge of crying.
“You okay?” I tilt his head up.
“Doesn’t feel real. Was afraid I’d never have this again. Feels damn good just to hold you and breathe you in. Fuckin’ sucks though. You believin’ the worst in me. Thinking I’d ever step out on you.”
He’s been back in my life merely thirty minutes and already I’m being sucked back in. Fisher makes it hard to dredge up my anger when he’s like this.
Sweet.
Genuine.
Loving.
Raw.
“Love you, Freya. You’ve always been my girl. No one else. Not then. Not now. There’s only been you for me.”
I hiccup on a sob as my tears fall. Damn him. Damn him for making me feel. For making me care. For making me still crave his touch.
There are so many things bottled up inside me that I’ve yearned to say to him. There were days when I first lost him that I was sure I would die. Losing him absolutely gutted me. He shattered my fucking soul.
Emotions I’ve kept bottled up for so long pour out of me. I can’t hold back. Not with him. I never could.
“I ripped up your photographs and shoved your memory in a box. For three years I mourned the loss of us. Then I learned how to live without you, but now you’re back. And honestly, I don’t know what to do or say. I spent so long being angry that it became the only emotion I knew,” I confess. “I’ve hated you. Cursed your name. Wished for you. Cried for you. Fuck how I’ve cried.”
“Can’t promise that you’ll never shed another tear over me.” He kisses me on the jaw, tasting my tears. “Damn, baby. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
I watch as he shoves up, dragging his shirt over his head then kicks his boots off. Fisher’s always been hot but while he was gone, he’s lost weight. His muscles flex as he moves as if his body was carved from stone. My name is tattooed on his chest in script lettering, like a fucking tribute. I trace the letters with my fingers. His nostrils flair at my touch. His eyes soften and I see the man I once knew. The man I loved.
“Know I have a lot to make up for with you. Promise you one thing. Two things. I won’t lie to you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back.” He grabs a pillow off the bed. “I’ll sleep on the couch. I won’t push you, but one day, babe. You’ll invite me back into your bed.”
Fisher starts down the hall and I stop him, my thoughts getting the better of me. Someone murdered April and if it wasn’t Fisher that means the person who did is still out there. Death may possibly be losing his world and he doesn’t have time for me. I don’t know what to do about us. What I do know though is I don’t want to be alone tonight.
“There’s an extra toothbrush in one of the drawers.”
“Appreciate it.” He tosses his pillow on the couch then disappears to the bathroom.
I’m questioning my sanity.
This is a terrible idea. I shouldn’t let him think he stands a chance. But maybe he does. Maybe I had him all wrong.
It was easier to hate him when we weren’t faced to face.
I fall back on the bed and close my eyes.
What am I doing?
I should be driving to the hospital and not giving a damn about anything but getting to Death. And yet here I lay with Riley Fisher in my bathroom brushing his teeth.
Maybe this is what shock is like.
Maybe I dreamed him here.