“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant if you need someone to bring you a change of clothes. Grab you some food. Feed the animals if you have any.”
“Sweet of you, Freya. Can’t take you up on the offer though.”
“I understand. I just wish there were something I could do or say. Sorry seems insignificant and prayers well that’s what everyone says isn’t it? But I don’t think you want my prayers. Is there anything I can do for you?” She reaches for my hand, but I don’t give her that play. I don’t deserve her comfort.
“I know you mean well. I got a lot on my plate right now.”
“Of course. I’m going to go, but can I hug you?” The way her voice cracks as though she’s unsure if I want her touch shatters something inside me.
I never want to be the cause of her pain, and yet I know I’m going to hurt her. I seem to ruin everything I touch. The way she’s looking at me in this moment—heartbroken yet sexy, I can’t deny her this one request. I can’t deprive myself of her touch no matter how badly I want to punish myself for what I’ve done.
“Yeah, sweetheart.” I place the coffee cup on a nearby cart. Wish I could take Freya in my arms and kiss her slowly. Grab her by the neck and fuck her brains out. Fuck out every ounce of frustration coursing through my veins. Can’t do that though. I’ve got a kid who is on the verge of knocking on death’s door.
I should be laid up in that bed. Not him. Not my boy.
I’d give anything to trade places with him. It should have been me.
Freya throws her arms around me, and I press my lips to her neck and freeze up. Her smell is all wrong. The scent of another man clings to her. She smells of smoke and cheap body wash. My spine stiffens and the hole in my chest gapes wider.
“Anything else you want to tell me,” I growl.
“Fisher’s out,” she blurts.
Her words are like poison through my veins. I step away and a laugh rips from my throat.
“Not sure why that’s funny to you. He was at my place when I got off work. I didn’t know what to do or say. Then Yara showed while I was still processing his being released early to tell me the awful news about your family.”
“Fucked him before you came to me,” I mutter.
Her face pales and that’s all the answer I need. Damn.
“Shane.” My name on her tongue after it’s probably been in his mouth is dirty and wrong. Makes me want to drive my fist through the fucking wall. Already have enough to deal with. I don’t need this piled on me too.
“Don’t. Don’t make excuses and don’t lie to me. I smellhimall over you.”
“It isn’t like that.”
“Didn’t peg you as a liar, babe. You want me to believe that you didn’t spread them legs for him as easily as you did me?”
“You’re upset and want someone to take it out on, so I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that to me.”
I stare up at the ceiling as though I can see straight to Heaven. Got my answer. If I want my boy to make it through this, I gotta let Freya go. Hurts to do it but know with the shit I have ahead of me, I gotta cut her loose. Freya isn’t mine to keep. Wish she were. Fuck do I wish she were mine.
“Go on back to Fisher. Tell him I kept you warm for him.” I know it’s a dick thing to say to her. Only way to make her walk away from me is to make her hate me. If Belinda doesn’t survive this and Bensen isn’t mine, I’m going to have one helluva fight on my hands to keep him. I can’t ask Freya to take that on nor can I expect her to wait for me.
Her bottom lip trembles and her gorgeous hazel eyes glisten on the brink of tears. “I know you’re hurting but that’s not fair.”
“Nothing about life is fuckin’ fair. My boy lying in that bed isn’t fair. Fisher getting out of jail isn’t fair.”
“I’m not with Fisher.”
“No? Maybe you should be.” The thought makes me physically ill.
Freya’s beautiful lips screw into a disgusted pout as I prepare to thrust the knife into her heart deeper. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. Best thing for all of us. Never should have started up with you and now he saves me the favor of having to scrape you off.”
Her mouth drops. “Scrape me off?”