“What isthatsupposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, trying to act like I didn’t care—like I wasn’t being torn up inside by the idea of losing her when I took her home to Earth tomorrow.
We both knew why we couldn’t be together—she lived on a Closed planet where they didn’t even know other sentient life existed and I lived on a frozen rock she hated. I had a business to run and she had a family to get back to and also an advanced degree she wanted to finish. As much as I felt for her and she felt for me, it just wasn’t ever going to work. Maybe we could have tried to make it work if we’d Bonded…but we hadn’t. So that was that.
“Vik’tor—” she started to say but I manufactured a yawn.
“Hey, I’m tired, baby. You wanna get out of the pool and try to get some sleep?”
“That sounds perfect to me.” She gave a big yawn, her eyes going sleepy. “It’s been a reallylongcouple of days.”
“You’re not fucking kidding,” I murmured. Climbing out of the pool I wrapped myself in a towel and then offered her a hand. Natalie took it and climbed out, finding a towel for herself. As soon as we were both out, the golden pool began to drain itself automatically.
“This looks wonderful,” Natalie remarked, surveying the vast round bed which occupied the center of the room. It had pale pink silky coverings and had clearly been built for people much larger than either one of us, so there was going to be plenty of room to spread out.
“Yeah, looks great,” I agreed dryly. I still wished I was going to be sharing this bed with my Bonded mate instead of the ‘platonic friend’ I was soon going to lose. But what could I do? As a half-blood, I simply couldn’t Bond a female to me—the fact that Natalie and I had made love and I had come in her and westillhadn’t formed any kind of a Bond certainly proved that.
I guessed I was just destined to be alone forever.
Which may sound maudlin and kind of self-pitying but it was how I was feeling. I just wanted to wrap Natalie in my arms and never let her go but tomorrow I was going to take her home to Earth and leave her there forever. I couldn’t even visit because the sight of my alien face would freak her fellow Earthlings out too much.
“Hey, this is nice.” Natalie picked up the pale gold nightgown that someone had laid out for her on the end of the bed and slipped it over her head. The silky material looked out-fucking-standing against her smooth brown skin and I thought again how beautiful she was and how there was literally no hope for a lasting relationship between us.
As I thought these things, I felt progressively worse until all I wanted to do was climb into bed and forget about the whole fucking situation.
Someone had laid out a matching pair of sleep trousers for me—the same pale silky gold as Natalie’s sleep dress. I pulled them on and got into the big, round bed and climbed under the soft pink covers. I lay on my side, facing the wall, and didn’t say anything when Natalie crawled in beside me.
I wanted to turn over and take her in my arms and beg her to stay with me, even if we couldn’t Bond, but I knew it was no good. She wanted no part of O’nagga Nine and she missed her family—who was I to beg her to leave them permanently and live in a place she hated? So I just lay there, saying nothing while she got comfortable.
“Good night, Vik’tor,” I heard her murmur at last.
I grunted something indeterminate and closed my eyes. Maybe I would feel better about the whole situation when I woke up the next morning, I told myself. Maybe things would look better in the clear light of day.
I didn’t know how fucking wrong I was.
Because when I woke up the next morning, Natalie was gone.
FORTY-TWO
NATALIE
How had such a perfect night turned into what my old college roommate, Gina, would have called “a total downer?”
We shouldn’t have had sex,I told myself with a sigh.Sex always complicates things.
In this case it had made me feel so close to Vik’tor I was wondering if I could bear to leave him. Still, he wasn’t asking me to stay and what could I do—demandto become a permanent part of his life?
Besides, I missed my family desperately and I also hate cold weather. Staying with Vik’tor would mean giving up Mama and Daddy and my brothers and Granny for a man I had only met a few days ago. Not to mention trading sandy beaches and clear blue skies for the freezing cold of O’nagga Nine.
As much as I was beginning to care for him, I just couldn’t do it. Besides, I didn’t want to be some kept woman in his fancy penthouse. Wasn’t that what Julia Roberts said to Richard Gere inPretty Woman?Or something to that effect, anyway.
I wanted to finish my thesis and defend my dissertation and earn tenure and teach somewhere—that had always been my dream. I couldn’t give it up to become Vik’tor’s Blood Bride and just hang around the house all day. Because there was nothing else for a woman on O’nagga Nine to do—you could either be a dutiful wife or some variation of sex worker—either a Blood Bride or a Blood Whore. Oh, there were a few famous actresses, but I was never going to break intothatindustry, even if I wanted to. I didn’t exactly match the Naggian standards of beauty.
No, I was better off going home. Or so I told myself as I tried to get comfortable on my side of the huge, round, pink bed. The mattress was comfortable but it was also so vast I felt like I was sleeping in the middle of a big empty field. Of course, Vik’tor was right beside me and I suppose I could have tried to cuddle with him, but he seemed to be sound asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up. Neither one of us had gotten much sleep the past couple of nights.
I tried to get some sleep—Ioughtto be sleepy, I told myself. I’d been through so much in the past few days I ought to be exhausted. And my bodywas, but my mind…well, my mind just wouldn’t turn off. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had never felt anything sexually until Vik’tor came along and what if I never felt anything again after we parted? I also couldn’t stop wishing we could stay together somehow, even though I knew it was impossible.
Finally, just as I started to get a little bit sleepy, I realized I had to pee, which is just about the most aggravating thing in the world. Because you know if you get up to pee, you’ll lose that fragile sleepiness after you go, and lay in bed awake for hours. But the longer you lay there, the more you have to go and you know that the need to pee is ultimately going to keep you awake anyway.