“Yes, yes—I know you wish to import some of our goods and export some of your own from O’nagga Nine to us. I know all that.” The Empress waved one hand dismissively. “But that is not the true reason for your arrival.”
“Um, it’s not?” I asked uncertainly. “Then why are we here?”
“Why, to show me the way of a male with a female, of course,” the Empress said, as though it should be self-evident. She sat back in her throne and nodded at Vik’tor and me. “So go on—show me.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
NATALIE
“Er…excuse me?” I looked up uncertainly at the Rainbow Empress, sitting on her crystal throne. She had an expectant look on her face.
“Show me,” she said again, waving a hand at us. “Show me the ways of a male with a female. I wish to see first-hand what I must do if and when Shadout and I meet and mingle our essences together.”
She was sitting there, watching Vik’tor and me like we were some kind of interesting show. I swear I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d somehow conjured a bucket of popcorn to eat the way she’d made the magic mirror that showed the Emperor’s face appear.
Viktor cleared his throat.
“It’s not quite that simple, Your Majesty,” he said, frowning. “You see—”
“Yes, itisthat simple.” The Empress frowned at us. “You wish to do business with me and my people. Very well, I am amenable to your proposition providing you first display for me the secret ways of a male with a female.”
“By ‘secret ways’ you’re talking about…?” I trailed off, leaving the question hanging, though I felt fairly certain I knew what she was after.
“The ways in which you mate, of course—yoursexrituals,” the Empress said impatiently. Oh yeah—she was after a live sex show, I thought dryly. She wanted some in-person porn and she expected Vik’tor and me to serve it up on command.
“Your Highness,” Vik’tor said, obviously trying to choose his words carefully. “These kinds of…things, these ‘sex rituals’ as you put it—aren’t usually done in public.”
The Empress frowned.
“But you arenotin public. I am the only one here—it is quite an intimate setting.”
Which, I will give her, was true. Thallia, our guide, had long since left us, shutting the crystal doors behind her and there was no one else in the throne room but Vik’tor, the Empress, and me. Still, it was damn awkward.
“Er…what I meant to say, was that this kind of thing isn’t usually done for an audience,” Vik’tor tried again.
“You only have an audience of one—me,”the Empress said pointedly. She looked at me. “Did you not swear to me that he was a gentle and considerate lover?”
“Uh, yes. Yes, he is,” I said quickly.
“Then why does he hesitate to show his skill?” she demanded, frowning. “I wish to see mating techniques and sexual rituals. I wish to be prepared if the prophecy comes true and I must mate with the Dark Emperor! Imustbe ready.”
I could see that she wasn’t budging. She wanted to see Vik’tor and me do the nasty and she wanted to see itnow.And I had the feeling there might be some consequences if we denied her. If she got mad and decided to throw us both in prison or even, God forbid, have us killed, I wouldneverget home to Earth and see my family again.
“But your Majesty—” Vik’tor began in placating tones.
“All right—what do you want to see?” I asked, interrupting him.
“What?” Vik’tor rounded on me, frowning. “What do you think you’re doing, little girl?” he muttered.
I shrugged.
“The Empress wants a show. And I have a feeling she’s used to getting what she wants.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Vik’tor told me in a low voice. “Remember, we agreed to keep things fucking platonic from now on, baby.”
“Looks like we’re going to have to break that promise,” I told him. “Because I want to get back to Earth, Vik’tor. And I can’t do that if I’m locked in a Tangellan jail for committing sex-crimes. Or rather,refusingto commit them.”
Not that doing it with him would be a crime exactly, but it was certainly more than I had bargained for. Although maybe we could just show the Empress a few things and she would be satisfied, I thought.