My side was white. Blank.
That was fine. I could add personal touches over time. I had everything I needed for now.
I unpacked my two suitcases, then shoved them out of the way on the high shelf. My belongings filled less than half of the closet, and I almost laughed at how odd it looked. I closed the doors and went back to lie on my bed. Mom had replied saying that they all missed and loved me. If I thought about them for too long, I knew I would cry, so I closed my eyes and tried to rest. I’d gone without sleep for too long. I couldn’t make it another night, so I had to hope that all the activity over the past two days would be enough to knock me into oblivion. My body gradually relaxed, and my mind calmed until all was quiet and blackness took over.
I knew what was happening before I opened my eyes.
Chapter 8
It had been months since I was here last. I missed it, but I couldn’t control when I visited.
I blinked open my eyes and smiled at the beautiful view below me. The field of wildflowers swayed in the gentle breeze, moving like waves in the ocean over the rolling hills. I once tried to count the different colors but gave up. It was impossible with how vast the field was going on forever in every direction.
I loved these nights. I never had dangerous dreams after I came here. I was safe to sleep.
A single screech echoed around me, and I looked to the sky for the familiar hawk and spotted it circling directly overhead. I smiled and waved as it dove toward me, landing next to me with a small cry in greeting.
“There you are.” I slowly reached out my hand and stroked its reddish-brown feathers. He shifted to allow more access to his back, and I laughed. “Oh, does that feel good?”
He turned his head around and blinked his golden eyes, and I took that as a yes.
“Why haven’t I seen you recently?”
I used to visit this place once or twice a week when I was younger. I don’t remember when it started, probably around five or six, but as I grew older, it became less and less frequent. All this time, and I never named him. Nothing I came up with ever felt right, and it wasn’t like he could tell me.
He cocked his head at me as if asking the same question.
I shrugged. “I guess I’ve been busy too.”
My hawk dropped his head and looked up at me like that wasn’t an excuse. I tapped the bright yellow spot on his beak and giggled. He hated when I did that, but I couldn’t help it. The color stood out so much against his cream and russet feathers that I couldn’t help but be drawn to it.
“If you tell me how to get here, I’d come more often.”
He let out a squawk and ruffled his feathers.
I sighed. I had vague memories of once being able to talk to him, but now I wasn’t sure if that was only my childhood imagination. The only thing I knew for certain was that this hawk and I were connected. I didn’t know how or why, but I could feel it in my soul. He came most often when I was sad or stressed or lonely. I’d never told anyone about the visits either, at least not in several years. I might have told my parents back when it started, but they never mentioned it to me. They probably assumed I was dreaming.
But this was different. I was awake or conscious. Aware.
I wasn’t sure how to explain it. I knew I was lying in my bed in my new dorm, but in my dreamscape, I was able to move around and talk.
Maybe it was a witch thing.
That possibility explained a lot more than I’d ever been able to figure out.
He side-stepped closer, rubbing his beak against my leg, and I went back to stroking his back. Even if he couldn’t talk back, I found comfort in confiding to him. He was a great listener, and since he normally showed up when I needed someone, he often heard my deepest and darkest thoughts.
“I moved,” I told him. He didn’t acknowledge my words, but I continued anyway. “I’m at a new school, and it’s kind of scary. Intimidating. Overwhelming.”
I sighed and laid back with my free hand under my head. “I’m also kind of excited. It’s a big change, but it’s the only chance I have of getting the answers I want. I think this is the only place that will help me understand what I am, and I might even learn something about my parents.”
I looked down at him and found him watching me. “Not my parents. My birth parents.”
He cocked his head.
“I know. I was shocked too. I found out yesterday I’m adopted.”
I dropped my head back and studied the clouds floating by. “My birth parents went to this school. My mom might have even lived in this dorm.” I smiled. “Maybe even my room. I wonder if I can check and find out.”