I wanted to lean forward, to give him better access to my chest, but his fingertips pressed into my skin then slowly stroked under my panties until his palms were cupping me. How hadn’t I known it could feel so good? I ground my hips against him, and he let out a moan against my neck.
I wanted more. I wanted to feel more of him. I reached between us for the top of his jeans, trying to undo the button. His hand wrapped around my wrist.
“Ave,” he breathed out my name like it was torture.
I looked up at him and flinched at the pain in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I want you––this––more than I can say, but it doesn’t feel right. This isn’t how I pictured our first time. I don’t want to be rushed in your theater room.”
I sat up, kneeling over him, keeping my weight off him. “We can move to my room.”
He took his hands off me and rubbed his face. “I’m such an idiot.”
“What?” I gasped and started to move off him, but he grabbed my hips and held me in place.
“I mean, I’m an idiot because I know I’ll probably regret this later, but I don’t want us to do anything without thinking. You just said you didn’t know what you’re ready for, and as amazing as this is,” he held my eyes and grinned, “I don’t know how much further I can go without stopping.”
This was like deja vu. Gavin stopped us too, for the same reason. Why was it when I tried to push things they slammed on the breaks? If he wasn’t looking at me with such heat and want, I might think it was me. But he was right. They both were. I might be willing to test my boundaries, but I didn’t want to go too far and end up regretting it.
But would I regret being with any of them?
I didn’t think so.
It might be too soon, but I didn’t think I could ever regret giving myself to any of them that way.
My head was confused, but my heart was sure. I loved them. Maybe that was enough, for now.
“Okay,” I finally said.
“You sure it’s okay?”
I smiled and kissed his forehead. “Yes, you respect my limits, and I’m respecting yours.”
He brushed my hair over my shoulder and ran his eyes over my body. “Can I hold you?”
I laid down, draping my body over his, and sighed as he pulled the blanket over us and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, savoring this feeling. Part of me liked it better than what we’d just been doing. Being held by him took away any fears or doubts. He was my rock. My quiet reassurance.