I tried to slow down, but I was ravenous, devouring the sandwich within minutes, my stomach finally painfully full.
“There you go,” he cooed. “How was that?”
I nodded. “Good.”
He offered me a smile. “If you’re a good girl, you get rewarded. Keep being a good girl, and I won’t have to withhold from you.”
“Will-will I get more?” I asked, fear of not eating again rolling through me.
He cradled my face and made me look at him. “You know the rules. As long as you follow them and do what I need you to do, you’ll never go without. Now, I need you to drink.” He handed me a bottle of water that was already opened. “This will make everything better. Promise.”
I nodded, knowing I could get through this, no matter the cost. Just what would be left of me terrified me.
* * *
I’d kissed Tate again in the following days, earning me a blanket and more food. It seemed each time I greeted him with a kiss after getting on my knees and bowing my head, I’d get something in return.
Time spun around me quickly. It didn’t matter though. I was a good girl. That was all that mattered in this new, cold world.
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. It was like my mind was locked away and something else was making my decisions for me. My head always felt cloudy. My emotions were strangely detached from my brain. Or heart. I couldn’t decide which. Something wasn’t right. While eating and drinking the food Tate gave me filled me, it also intensified the strange feelings in my body. All he needed to do was whisper to me and I’d do anything he wanted. He seemed to know that too because he’d smile each time I’d answer his demands with a kiss or touching him. And it wasn’t like I could stop myself. It was like that part of my brain was broken. It was like I was a zombie, addicted to his commands and ravenous for anything he’d give me.
Before long, kissing him and getting to my knees to stare up at him had become so routine, it felt embedded in my soul. Like it was always this way with him. As much as I hated to admit it, he really was my god in this place.
I sat between his legs on this day or night as he raked his fingers through my dirty hair and I stared straight ahead at the wall, my back to his chest as I lay against him. I’d stopped counting his visits long ago and just knew time didn’t really matter so much now. I was accepting that this was my life.
“You need a bath,” he said softly. “Would you like me to give you a bath?”
I swallowed hard, the idea of having a bath exciting me. “I-I can bathe myself.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
It’s OK. You know the right answer. There’s no one left to judge you.
“Y-yes, Tate.”
“Mm, I think I can arrange that. You know, tomorrow’s our anniversary. One month. I think I’ll do something special for you. Would you like that?” His fingers went through my hair again, this time catching a tangle and making me swallow down the hiss as he tugged through it.
“Yes,” I answered softly.
“OK.” He gripped my chin and turned my head so he could kiss me. I’d hated him kissing me in the beginning. Now, it just felt. . . normal. Maybe I wanted to withhold. I just. . . couldn’t. I was so broken inside. I wasn’t stupid though. I knew this was my new life, and the fear at losing myself didn’t matter. The old Bianca was gone. She was just a nice memory a few people had now. I accepted this.
Now, I was Tate’s. He said he was saving me. I believed him since no one else was.
His lips pressed against mine, his hands moving to run across my abdomen. He’d been getting braver with touching me. His hands shook, and I knew he was losing his restraint. His fingers moved up to cradle and massage my breasts.
His erection thickened against my back as he slowly undid the buttons on the new shirt he’d given me days after the fuzziness in my head took over. I whimpered as he undid them all, putting my bra on display.
“Please don’t,” I choked out as he squeezed my breasts over my bra.
“Tell me why I can’t,” he answered, continuing to rub them. “You’re mine. Tell me you’re mine.”
My heart rate kicked up.I can’t breathe. God, I can’t breathe!
“Drink,” he murmured in my ear, pressing a bottle of water to my lips. “It’ll help.”
I obeyed, letting the cool water rush down my throat.
“More,” he urged.