He complied again, following her into the bedroom and sliding between the covers.
Paige stripped her clothes off and got in beside him, pushing her breasts against his freezing-cold back, wrapping her arms around him as he shivered against her.
A tear rolled down her cheek and she pressed her face to his shoulder blade. “You’re so cold,” she said.
“That’s the idea,” he said, his voice stronger now.
“Why?”
“A habit, I suppose.”
“You take cold showers after sex?”
“No. Not so simple. I pay penance.”
“For what?” she asked, trying to keep the horror from her tone. “For sins?”
“For feeling. For losing control. I’ve used it to train myself.” His tone was flat, lifeless.
“Why?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“Because, cara mia, nothing in life is free. Everything has a cost. Especially deep emotion. Most especially passion. Life is made of light and dark, good and bad. The other side of love is hate, and the line between the two is thin.”
“I’ve never thought so,” she said. “I don’t think love and hate are anywhere near each other.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong.” He shivered again. “Because you haven’t seen it turn. But I have. I told you about my mother. That she died. That I remembered her soft touch, and her singing. But I also remember how she died. How she was killed. My father killed her. While I watched from behind the couch, helpless to do anything but cover my ears to block out the sound. I will never forget what it’s like to watch someone die. My mother. My own mother. I won’t forget holding her in my arms as she faded. That’s what happens when you have no control. When you are ruled by passion. That’s what it can become. And that’s why I remind myself that when you lose control, someone pays.”
She tightened her hold on him, more tears sliding down her cheeks. “Why do you have to pay, Dante?” They were the only words she could voice. There were so many words she wanted to say. So many. And they weren’t enough. They never would be.
“So no one else will.”
She just held him then, her eyes stinging, her entire body, down to her soul exhausted. But she couldn’t sleep. So she held him, warming him, until the darkness faded and light started to invade the room.
If only she could find a way to do the same for him. To shine a light on his soul and banish the darkness.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“WE’RE moving the wedding up to a week from yesterday.”
Dante strode into her office midway through the day on Tuesday, a strange sight considering he had ignored her all day Monday and then had gone out to the office after hours on Monday night and not come home.
She’d driven Ana and herself to Colson’s that morning, and she was still more than slightly peeved at him over the disappearing act.
She knew why he’d done it. The phrase running scared seemed a nice way to describe it. Still, she’d been imagining him dead on the side of the road. She’d called, but he hadn’t answered, and pride prevented her from doing it more than five times. So she’d paced the hall instead. And she’d gone to sleep in his bed, inhaling the scent of him on his pillow, because it turned out that sex made her feel somewhat mushy about a guy.
“You can’t reschedule what was never scheduled,” she said, dryly, her heart hammering. “And that’s way too soon.”
“No, it’s not. It’s time we got everything going. I’m not running a bed-and-breakfast.”
His words were like a slap to the face. “Right. Oh, my mistake. That’s what I thought I was doing at your house. In my defense you shouldn’t have put a little check-in desk with a bell right by the front door.”
“Paige…”
“Dante,” she said, her tone mocking.
“You know what I meant.”
“You’re being an insulting bastard. Is that what you meant? Because if that was the aim, great job. You did it.”
“I meant this isn’t permanent.”
“Yeah, I do know that. You keep reminding me of it, actually.”
“Do you want to get the adoption finalized as soon as possible or would you like to continue with your wounded maiden routine?” he asked.